Wedding Speech Jokes - Ideas
So you are making a speech at a wedding! Congratulations.
Have you thought about including some wedding speech jokes to help entertain the audience? This article looks at some ideas on what to include.
Firstly any wedding speech jokes that you include must be clean! You cannot offend the audience or make the bride and groom blush with embarrassment by including jokes that are racist or offend women or any family members.
So when you are choosing your wedding speech jokes do so wisely.
Here are some examples of clean and funny wedding speech jokes: One liners by famous people By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
(Socrates) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
(Milton Berle) I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
(Rita Rudner) I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
(George Burns) Clean One Liners At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.
' Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Longer Jokes Relationships can be very puzzling as we all know.
Take celibacy, for example; this can be a choice, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.
While attending a special Marriage Awareness Weekend in New York, Nick and Victoria listened to the facilitator, 'It is so very important that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.
' He turned to the men and asked, 'Can you each name your wife's favourite flower?' Nick leaned over, touched Victoria's arm gently and whispered, 'Self raising, isn't it?' Thus began Nick's life of celibacy.
- - - A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, 'No, I was thinking about the time before our nuptuals.
Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man!' - - - Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service.
After the benediction Father Henry had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.
'Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?' Father Henry requested.
Immediately; nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
Have you thought about including some wedding speech jokes to help entertain the audience? This article looks at some ideas on what to include.
Firstly any wedding speech jokes that you include must be clean! You cannot offend the audience or make the bride and groom blush with embarrassment by including jokes that are racist or offend women or any family members.
So when you are choosing your wedding speech jokes do so wisely.
Here are some examples of clean and funny wedding speech jokes: One liners by famous people By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
(Socrates) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
(Milton Berle) I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
(Rita Rudner) I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
(George Burns) Clean One Liners At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.
' Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Longer Jokes Relationships can be very puzzling as we all know.
Take celibacy, for example; this can be a choice, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.
While attending a special Marriage Awareness Weekend in New York, Nick and Victoria listened to the facilitator, 'It is so very important that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.
' He turned to the men and asked, 'Can you each name your wife's favourite flower?' Nick leaned over, touched Victoria's arm gently and whispered, 'Self raising, isn't it?' Thus began Nick's life of celibacy.
- - - A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, 'No, I was thinking about the time before our nuptuals.
Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man!' - - - Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service.
After the benediction Father Henry had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.
'Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?' Father Henry requested.
Immediately; nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.