Trauma Survivors With Dissociative Identity Disorder - Are You Being Kind to Your Internal System?
In my 20+ years of clinical work as a trauma therapist, I have found that most dissociative trauma survivors -- those with DID/MPD -- have a fair bit of trouble understanding how to be genuinely kind to their inside people.
It is very similar to being nice, and kind, and accepting towards outside people, but the effort gets directed to your own insiders instead of outside people.
Do you have DID/MPD? Are you kind to your internal system? Is it easier to ignore your alters and to boss them around rather than approach them with kindness? I could explore the many different reasons for this.
Is it because your family treated you so poorly? Were you so hideously neglected that taking care of yourself is truly a skill you have yet to learn? Is it because you truly believe you don't deserve anything nice? Is it that you are full of self-hatred that you won't be kind to yourself? Is that you are so angry at anyone (everyone?) that it is easier or essential to take it out on yourself? I don't know.
I'll leave those questions with you to think about.
For now, I want to focus on what kind things you actually do for your internal system.
Your internal world -- your internal landscape -- is totally your own world.
It belongs to you and only you and your internal system.
You and your insiders control that inner world.
You all can truly make a huge impact by doing nice, kind, gentle, supportive, and comforting things for each other in there on that level.
Even if you can't afford to buy things in the external world, you can do things for free on the inside worlds.
Your inner world can be a true haven and a place that is comfortable and "just right".
When you can see the others inside, and when you listen to them, and pay attention to each other, you will be able to recognize their needs and then do something about it to make their day better.
Taking better care of your insiders will have a huge impact on your life, your system work, your healing process, and your external world.
One of the biggest keys to your overall healing depends on how YOU all treat your own system and internal parts.
Do you support each other inside? Do you take the time to be kind to each other inside? Do you comfort each other inside? What do you do to help each other inside? Do you treat each other with respect? Are you trustworthy with each other? For those that are DID, I believe that one of the most significant therapy goals is doing INTERNAL self care.
Look at your others inside -- share blankets and stuffies with them.
Give them hugs, sit quietly with them.
Meet their needs, clean up the messes, give them clean clothes to wear, and a quiet safe place to rest.
If your inside world stays chaotic and unkept, neglected or dangerous, then how on earth are you going to feel safe or OK in the outside world? Start by addressing things in your own world, and let it ripple out from there.
The more folks learn to be there for their own selves, the less they will depend on their therapist, or spouse, or any other outside person to "take care" of them.
The more you can take care of your own selves, the less it matters if someone else is busy or away for a few days.
The more you take care of your own selves, the more you will feel GOOD about yourself and your ability to handle life.
Here are more questions to think about:
It is very similar to being nice, and kind, and accepting towards outside people, but the effort gets directed to your own insiders instead of outside people.
Do you have DID/MPD? Are you kind to your internal system? Is it easier to ignore your alters and to boss them around rather than approach them with kindness? I could explore the many different reasons for this.
Is it because your family treated you so poorly? Were you so hideously neglected that taking care of yourself is truly a skill you have yet to learn? Is it because you truly believe you don't deserve anything nice? Is it that you are full of self-hatred that you won't be kind to yourself? Is that you are so angry at anyone (everyone?) that it is easier or essential to take it out on yourself? I don't know.
I'll leave those questions with you to think about.
For now, I want to focus on what kind things you actually do for your internal system.
- What do you do to be nice to your inside people? What did you do this week?
- What do you do to show the others in your system appreciation and kindness?
- What do you do to encourage them through the hard parts of therapy work?
Your internal world -- your internal landscape -- is totally your own world.
It belongs to you and only you and your internal system.
You and your insiders control that inner world.
You all can truly make a huge impact by doing nice, kind, gentle, supportive, and comforting things for each other in there on that level.
Even if you can't afford to buy things in the external world, you can do things for free on the inside worlds.
Your inner world can be a true haven and a place that is comfortable and "just right".
When you can see the others inside, and when you listen to them, and pay attention to each other, you will be able to recognize their needs and then do something about it to make their day better.
Taking better care of your insiders will have a huge impact on your life, your system work, your healing process, and your external world.
One of the biggest keys to your overall healing depends on how YOU all treat your own system and internal parts.
Do you support each other inside? Do you take the time to be kind to each other inside? Do you comfort each other inside? What do you do to help each other inside? Do you treat each other with respect? Are you trustworthy with each other? For those that are DID, I believe that one of the most significant therapy goals is doing INTERNAL self care.
Look at your others inside -- share blankets and stuffies with them.
Give them hugs, sit quietly with them.
Meet their needs, clean up the messes, give them clean clothes to wear, and a quiet safe place to rest.
If your inside world stays chaotic and unkept, neglected or dangerous, then how on earth are you going to feel safe or OK in the outside world? Start by addressing things in your own world, and let it ripple out from there.
The more folks learn to be there for their own selves, the less they will depend on their therapist, or spouse, or any other outside person to "take care" of them.
The more you can take care of your own selves, the less it matters if someone else is busy or away for a few days.
The more you take care of your own selves, the more you will feel GOOD about yourself and your ability to handle life.
Here are more questions to think about:
- What is the nicest thing that someone in your system could do for you?
- What are some of the most meaningful things you could do for them?
- How do you show the hurting ones that you have compassion for them?
- How do you show your little ones that you will protect them and keep them safe?
- What kinds of things can you do for your insiders to show them that you will help to take care of them and tend to their needs?
- How does your system respond when you are kind and attentive to them vs.
being neglectful and angry towards them?