How to Help Children With Their Feelings
In order to ensure survival, the emotional structures of our brain develop first.
Children "act out" of their feelings because the intellectual structures of their brain have not developed yet.
Adults must help children learn how to recognize and cope with their feelings as they grow up.
1) FOCUS on them.
Be attuned to them; watch their face for signs of emotions, watch their body language and listen to changes in their tone of voice.
Learn about child development so you can work appropriately with them at different ages and stagesBrain development changes greatly with each age and the brain is not fully developed until we are in our twenties.
2) INTERVENE early and often.
As soon as you recognize the child is having a strong feeling, follow steps (3) and (4).
Stay with the child until you know they are feeling better.
Check back in with them a few minutes later to help them again.
Know that it takes years for all people to learn how to understand and cope with difficult feelings.
3) VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS; Feelings have a purpose, they give us information.
No feelings are right, wrong or bad.
All feelings have a purpose and everyone has a right to their feelings.
When we (all people including children) know someone "feels" us, understands us, empathizes with us, we begin to feel better.
Tell a child, "Its seems like you're feeling angry (sad, afraid, frustrated, annoyed, etc.
) and that is okay, I can understand why you feel that way, you have a right to your feelings.
" 4) TEACH COPING SKILLS for the feelings.
oKnow what you are feeling oTell a safe (usually adult) person what you are feeling oAsk for help oUse breathing techniques to help yourself calm down oTime yourself out; walk away oDistract yourself with other thoughts, activities oDraw your feeling out oWrite a story or poem about the feeling experience oWrite a song or rap about the feeling experience oDo a dance that expresses the feeling oMake sure you understand yourself, then try to understand the other person.
oNegotiate with the other person.
oMake up with the other person 5) DO NOT talk negatively about a child, to others, in front of the child.
Do not overreact to their threats.
If a child says "I'm going to kill her," recognize the anger and say, "Wow, you are very angry.
You know you can't hurt anyone and you have a right to your feelings, here are some coping skills.
" Do not lecture; children find lectures boring, their feelings are not being validated and lecturing often implies that the child has something inherently wrong with them.
Lecturing disvalidates and shames children which is hard on their fragile self esteem.
6) PRAISE children as often as possible.
Experts recommend we praise children 3 times more often than we correct or criticize them.
Love and enjoy them!
Children "act out" of their feelings because the intellectual structures of their brain have not developed yet.
Adults must help children learn how to recognize and cope with their feelings as they grow up.
1) FOCUS on them.
Be attuned to them; watch their face for signs of emotions, watch their body language and listen to changes in their tone of voice.
Learn about child development so you can work appropriately with them at different ages and stagesBrain development changes greatly with each age and the brain is not fully developed until we are in our twenties.
2) INTERVENE early and often.
As soon as you recognize the child is having a strong feeling, follow steps (3) and (4).
Stay with the child until you know they are feeling better.
Check back in with them a few minutes later to help them again.
Know that it takes years for all people to learn how to understand and cope with difficult feelings.
3) VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS; Feelings have a purpose, they give us information.
No feelings are right, wrong or bad.
All feelings have a purpose and everyone has a right to their feelings.
When we (all people including children) know someone "feels" us, understands us, empathizes with us, we begin to feel better.
Tell a child, "Its seems like you're feeling angry (sad, afraid, frustrated, annoyed, etc.
) and that is okay, I can understand why you feel that way, you have a right to your feelings.
" 4) TEACH COPING SKILLS for the feelings.
oKnow what you are feeling oTell a safe (usually adult) person what you are feeling oAsk for help oUse breathing techniques to help yourself calm down oTime yourself out; walk away oDistract yourself with other thoughts, activities oDraw your feeling out oWrite a story or poem about the feeling experience oWrite a song or rap about the feeling experience oDo a dance that expresses the feeling oMake sure you understand yourself, then try to understand the other person.
oNegotiate with the other person.
oMake up with the other person 5) DO NOT talk negatively about a child, to others, in front of the child.
Do not overreact to their threats.
If a child says "I'm going to kill her," recognize the anger and say, "Wow, you are very angry.
You know you can't hurt anyone and you have a right to your feelings, here are some coping skills.
" Do not lecture; children find lectures boring, their feelings are not being validated and lecturing often implies that the child has something inherently wrong with them.
Lecturing disvalidates and shames children which is hard on their fragile self esteem.
6) PRAISE children as often as possible.
Experts recommend we praise children 3 times more often than we correct or criticize them.
Love and enjoy them!