How to Stop Getting Kicked to the Curb by Narcissistic Emotional Abusers
So, they say it's your birthday and you're going to have a good time? These are the infamous words to one of the Beatles' evergreen songs. If you're birthday is coming up and you're planning on spending a special day with the narcissistic emotional abuser in your life, you probably should spend some time thinking about how to change the words in the song to go something like, "So, they say it's birthday and you know you're going to have some drama." A birthday, just like Valentine's Day, Christmas, an anniversary, or any other special occasion would mean the narcissistic emotional abuser has to come forward with something to show you appreciation and make you feel special, right?
You must remember who you've chosen to invest your life's precious time with, however. Early on in your "imaginary" relationship, you had these type thoughts of grandeur. That is the normal way to think. It's a special occasion. Isn't that what normal human beings do to and for one another? Show appreciation. Show one another they are special. Being made to feel special can happen in many ways such as a note in a stocking or shoe, surprise toast and hot cocoa in bed in the morning, all the way to just maybe flowers or a dinner out. Let's not consider the extravagance of any type of jewelry at this point in the game. We're trying to keep things simple.
Yes, normal human beings go out of their way to show one another they are special. The only thing with normal human beings is it doesn't feel like you're going out of the way to show your loved one they are special. It's just a natural thing to do, the way to "be." If you're involved with a narcissistic emotional abuser, however, you are dealing with someone and something quite different than a normal human being. The narcissistic emotional abuser is going to premeditate, calculate, and figure out a way to make you squirm when a special occasion is about to be present on a calendar. Instead of spending time thinking about how they will make you feel special, they spend time thinking about how they are going to control and manipulate your emotions to make sure you don't experience joy, but the exact opposite.
You've been down this path of disappointment for how many years now? How many "special" occasions have come and gone and the only thing you remember to be "special" about them is recalling ‘Scene 15-take 102 in the drama series entitled, "My Splendid, but Miserable Days With the Love of My Life, the Narcissistic Emotional Abuser." Disappointment has become an ordinary experience. You remain hopeful, however, with each passing occasion because after the occasion and after you jump up and down, address and address again how hurt you were that they didn't show you any type of special treatment, things get good again. Until, of course, the next special occasion.
Let's clarify what "special occasion" entails when you're involved with a narcissistic emotional abuser. A special occasion is not only a ‘calendar' event, but a special occasion can be a new fling they've become interested in or just maybe the wind began to blow from the east to the west. You can never tell with the narcissistic emotional abuser. Things can be going wonderfully and then all of a sudden for no reason (and you spend hours and days trying to figure out what on Earth you did wrong "this" time) you're kicked to the curb. No calls. No messages. Just vacuous airspace. Gone. Until they show back up. And, then, rest assured, you did something to have deserved the abandonment. And, then, rest assured, you but go back into it again, ‘Scene 16-take 1.'
Why? Oh, why?
Nothing changes unless something changes and the narcissistic emotional abuser is not going to change. The only one that can change is you unless you, too, are a narcissist. Two narcissists could never exist together which means if they are the narcissist, then you can't be a narcissist. That means you can change. That is hope. There is your hope. The hope is not in that the narcissistic emotional abuser is going to change. No! The hope is in that you will change. The hope that you will begin to see you are worth so much more than the way you are being treated. The hope that you will see life has so much more to offer you.
Your "how" to stop getting kicked to the curb like an old ball is in your "why." Why do you think this is all there is for you? The "why" is not, "Why do they treat me like this?" You will never figure out all the narcissistic emotional abuser's why's for why they do things like they do. You're having a difficult enough time figuring out why you keep staying.
Your answer is within you. In the meantime while you're figuring out your why, the next time you get kicked to the curb, instead of licking your wounds and wallowing in your sorrows, get up and go do something nice for yourself. Put a note in your own sock because they're sure not going to do it. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers. You spend money on them. Go ahead and spend some money on you. Buy yourself some flowers. And, if it's you're birthday, go ahead crank your iPod up and sing to heart's content…"and I'm going to have a good time."
http://www.dare2bucounseling.com
You must remember who you've chosen to invest your life's precious time with, however. Early on in your "imaginary" relationship, you had these type thoughts of grandeur. That is the normal way to think. It's a special occasion. Isn't that what normal human beings do to and for one another? Show appreciation. Show one another they are special. Being made to feel special can happen in many ways such as a note in a stocking or shoe, surprise toast and hot cocoa in bed in the morning, all the way to just maybe flowers or a dinner out. Let's not consider the extravagance of any type of jewelry at this point in the game. We're trying to keep things simple.
Yes, normal human beings go out of their way to show one another they are special. The only thing with normal human beings is it doesn't feel like you're going out of the way to show your loved one they are special. It's just a natural thing to do, the way to "be." If you're involved with a narcissistic emotional abuser, however, you are dealing with someone and something quite different than a normal human being. The narcissistic emotional abuser is going to premeditate, calculate, and figure out a way to make you squirm when a special occasion is about to be present on a calendar. Instead of spending time thinking about how they will make you feel special, they spend time thinking about how they are going to control and manipulate your emotions to make sure you don't experience joy, but the exact opposite.
You've been down this path of disappointment for how many years now? How many "special" occasions have come and gone and the only thing you remember to be "special" about them is recalling ‘Scene 15-take 102 in the drama series entitled, "My Splendid, but Miserable Days With the Love of My Life, the Narcissistic Emotional Abuser." Disappointment has become an ordinary experience. You remain hopeful, however, with each passing occasion because after the occasion and after you jump up and down, address and address again how hurt you were that they didn't show you any type of special treatment, things get good again. Until, of course, the next special occasion.
Let's clarify what "special occasion" entails when you're involved with a narcissistic emotional abuser. A special occasion is not only a ‘calendar' event, but a special occasion can be a new fling they've become interested in or just maybe the wind began to blow from the east to the west. You can never tell with the narcissistic emotional abuser. Things can be going wonderfully and then all of a sudden for no reason (and you spend hours and days trying to figure out what on Earth you did wrong "this" time) you're kicked to the curb. No calls. No messages. Just vacuous airspace. Gone. Until they show back up. And, then, rest assured, you did something to have deserved the abandonment. And, then, rest assured, you but go back into it again, ‘Scene 16-take 1.'
Why? Oh, why?
Nothing changes unless something changes and the narcissistic emotional abuser is not going to change. The only one that can change is you unless you, too, are a narcissist. Two narcissists could never exist together which means if they are the narcissist, then you can't be a narcissist. That means you can change. That is hope. There is your hope. The hope is not in that the narcissistic emotional abuser is going to change. No! The hope is in that you will change. The hope that you will begin to see you are worth so much more than the way you are being treated. The hope that you will see life has so much more to offer you.
Your "how" to stop getting kicked to the curb like an old ball is in your "why." Why do you think this is all there is for you? The "why" is not, "Why do they treat me like this?" You will never figure out all the narcissistic emotional abuser's why's for why they do things like they do. You're having a difficult enough time figuring out why you keep staying.
Your answer is within you. In the meantime while you're figuring out your why, the next time you get kicked to the curb, instead of licking your wounds and wallowing in your sorrows, get up and go do something nice for yourself. Put a note in your own sock because they're sure not going to do it. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers. You spend money on them. Go ahead and spend some money on you. Buy yourself some flowers. And, if it's you're birthday, go ahead crank your iPod up and sing to heart's content…"and I'm going to have a good time."
http://www.dare2bucounseling.com