Beautiful Boy: A Father"s Heartache - An Addict Son - Show Recap
Original Air Date:
Thursday, April 10, 2008
David Sheff and His Son Nic:
Journalist David Sheff first opened up about his son Nic's drug addiction in a 2005 edition of the New York Times Magazine that struck a chord with families around the country. David turned his experience and article into a new book, Beautiful Boy that is a memoir of his life or lack of trying to save his son.
David's Life Trying to Help His Son:
Seeing others ruin their lives with drugs, David did not consider himself completely naive - he did think that his family was immune to it and when it did happen he was totally devastated. David soon realized that he needed to talk about the situation and with his son's encouragement, wrote the 2005 article on having a son with addiction.
In the article David pointed out how far in denial he was about what was really happening with his child - saying that parents are wired for denial because it's so hard to see your child suffering. David had to watch the dreams he had for his son Nic slip away.
Nic's Childhood:
When Nic was 4, David and his wife were divorced leaving Nic to share his time between San Francisco and LA - attending private schools, earning honor role and playing sports, David thought his son was coping well. At 12, Nic started smoking pot and David found it in his backpack - promising to stop, David believed him, part of his early denial that there was a problem. From there, Nic began experimenting with other drugs, until he found crystal meth at age 18 - David shared that it robbed his soul and made everyone's life hell.
David's Denial:
Even though Nic said that he stopped after David found pot in his bag, Nic continued to do drugs, but maintained his grades in school even though he set a new record for days missed in a year. David held on to the fact that Nic had gotten into Berkley and would be starting college soon, thinking it would help him. Not attending college, David became more in denial of Nic's situation - he even at one point smoked a joint with him, trying to connect in some way. Seeing people in his past die from their addiction, David knew the consequences, but couldn't get Nic to understand his message.
Why Was Nic Doing Drugs?:
When Nic joined the show he shared that he had been sober for more than 2 years, but that the reality of what his choices caused was still hard to bear - he cried throughout reading his dad's book seeing what he had done. Through it all, Nic felt like killing himself through drugs was his business, not realizing the damage he left behind.
Nic remembers the first time he drank as a child when he was 11; he consumed so much alcohol he blacked out. Remembering feeling like the world was abrasive and overwhelming were some of the reasons Nic wanted to escape reality and feel good.
Nic as an Addict:
At one point in time, Nic couldn't believe where drugs had taken him - thinking in the beginning that they were harmless, Nic couldn't believe what his life had become. Nic also couldn't believe that his dad believed his lies and thought he was collected even though he was living a tumultuous world inside. Nic first started drugs to numb his pain, but found himself chasing the feeling of the first high once the drugs stopped working as well.
Nic came to a point that he would do anything for drugs - sell, steal, sell his body, anything to get what he needed.
David Tried to Save His Son:
Calls to the hospitals and long nights wondering if Nic was OK are things David became very familiar with. While Nic became like an animal, David became obsessed with Nic. When Nic was on the street, David would drive around looking for him, hoping to find him and get him help. Nic's addiction consumed David for years and he had to go through the experience to really understand what he had been through - he learned from his suffering and can now help others in the same life. Even recovery has taught David a few lessons, that relapse and discovery is part of the addict's process, nothing is easy.
Nic's Advice to Others:
Nic's little sister is not the age he was when he first started using alcohol - what would he do if she followed in his footsteps? Nic shared that as a kid he was terrified of looking inside of himself, afraid of what he would find. That same approach is how he would help his sister if he had to, to ask her - what is going on inside you? And what are you running from?
David and Nic Help Other Families:
Gordon and Karen read David's article and found parts of their story in his. Gordon and Karen's son Noah was abused by a coach at 13 and found his life in a downward spiral. Noah started abusing drugs and eventually landed into a serious heroine addiction. After 19 hospitalizations, Noah overdosed and died in the hospital, the doctors couldn't save him. His mother Karen remembers him looking so peaceful when she saw him just after his death and while she felt guilty at first, she realized he was finally at peace and through suffering with his addiction.
Kathleen read David's article in 2005 and also had a daughter addicted to meth, Maria. Kathleen emailed David asking him what she should do now that her daughter was sitting in prison - Kathleen decided not to visit her daughter, but instead to write every day telling her that she was loved, thought of and understood. Kathleen sent 72 postcards over the 3 months opening herself up to her daughter.
Maria shared that prison really was hard to deal with, never thinking she would ever get to that point. She realizes that she made poor choices but that she shielded away from the reality, willing to do whatever it took to support her addiction. Maria has now been clean since August 15, 2006 and stated that every day was still a struggle and she had to continue to make the choice to be clean each day.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
David Sheff and His Son Nic:
Journalist David Sheff first opened up about his son Nic's drug addiction in a 2005 edition of the New York Times Magazine that struck a chord with families around the country. David turned his experience and article into a new book, Beautiful Boy that is a memoir of his life or lack of trying to save his son.
David's Life Trying to Help His Son:
Seeing others ruin their lives with drugs, David did not consider himself completely naive - he did think that his family was immune to it and when it did happen he was totally devastated. David soon realized that he needed to talk about the situation and with his son's encouragement, wrote the 2005 article on having a son with addiction.
In the article David pointed out how far in denial he was about what was really happening with his child - saying that parents are wired for denial because it's so hard to see your child suffering. David had to watch the dreams he had for his son Nic slip away.
Nic's Childhood:
When Nic was 4, David and his wife were divorced leaving Nic to share his time between San Francisco and LA - attending private schools, earning honor role and playing sports, David thought his son was coping well. At 12, Nic started smoking pot and David found it in his backpack - promising to stop, David believed him, part of his early denial that there was a problem. From there, Nic began experimenting with other drugs, until he found crystal meth at age 18 - David shared that it robbed his soul and made everyone's life hell.
David's Denial:
Even though Nic said that he stopped after David found pot in his bag, Nic continued to do drugs, but maintained his grades in school even though he set a new record for days missed in a year. David held on to the fact that Nic had gotten into Berkley and would be starting college soon, thinking it would help him. Not attending college, David became more in denial of Nic's situation - he even at one point smoked a joint with him, trying to connect in some way. Seeing people in his past die from their addiction, David knew the consequences, but couldn't get Nic to understand his message.
Why Was Nic Doing Drugs?:
When Nic joined the show he shared that he had been sober for more than 2 years, but that the reality of what his choices caused was still hard to bear - he cried throughout reading his dad's book seeing what he had done. Through it all, Nic felt like killing himself through drugs was his business, not realizing the damage he left behind.
Nic remembers the first time he drank as a child when he was 11; he consumed so much alcohol he blacked out. Remembering feeling like the world was abrasive and overwhelming were some of the reasons Nic wanted to escape reality and feel good.
Nic as an Addict:
At one point in time, Nic couldn't believe where drugs had taken him - thinking in the beginning that they were harmless, Nic couldn't believe what his life had become. Nic also couldn't believe that his dad believed his lies and thought he was collected even though he was living a tumultuous world inside. Nic first started drugs to numb his pain, but found himself chasing the feeling of the first high once the drugs stopped working as well.
Nic came to a point that he would do anything for drugs - sell, steal, sell his body, anything to get what he needed.
David Tried to Save His Son:
Calls to the hospitals and long nights wondering if Nic was OK are things David became very familiar with. While Nic became like an animal, David became obsessed with Nic. When Nic was on the street, David would drive around looking for him, hoping to find him and get him help. Nic's addiction consumed David for years and he had to go through the experience to really understand what he had been through - he learned from his suffering and can now help others in the same life. Even recovery has taught David a few lessons, that relapse and discovery is part of the addict's process, nothing is easy.
Nic's Advice to Others:
Nic's little sister is not the age he was when he first started using alcohol - what would he do if she followed in his footsteps? Nic shared that as a kid he was terrified of looking inside of himself, afraid of what he would find. That same approach is how he would help his sister if he had to, to ask her - what is going on inside you? And what are you running from?
David and Nic Help Other Families:
Gordon and Karen read David's article and found parts of their story in his. Gordon and Karen's son Noah was abused by a coach at 13 and found his life in a downward spiral. Noah started abusing drugs and eventually landed into a serious heroine addiction. After 19 hospitalizations, Noah overdosed and died in the hospital, the doctors couldn't save him. His mother Karen remembers him looking so peaceful when she saw him just after his death and while she felt guilty at first, she realized he was finally at peace and through suffering with his addiction.
Kathleen read David's article in 2005 and also had a daughter addicted to meth, Maria. Kathleen emailed David asking him what she should do now that her daughter was sitting in prison - Kathleen decided not to visit her daughter, but instead to write every day telling her that she was loved, thought of and understood. Kathleen sent 72 postcards over the 3 months opening herself up to her daughter.
Maria shared that prison really was hard to deal with, never thinking she would ever get to that point. She realizes that she made poor choices but that she shielded away from the reality, willing to do whatever it took to support her addiction. Maria has now been clean since August 15, 2006 and stated that every day was still a struggle and she had to continue to make the choice to be clean each day.