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On the Ledge of the Abyss

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I was very religious as a young child, but from my teens onward I was slowly graduating toward atheism and the fact that when you die, that is it; life is over and there is nothing else.

When I was 18 (1970), I decided to end my life and the life of my unborn child. I decided that I wanted out and was not going to leave my child behind in this godforsaken world, so I nailed the window and the door shut and swallowed 100 barbituates...


and that was it.

Evidently, my partner and his friend had to break in and I was rushed to one hospital and then another. I was given the last rites by a priest as my life hung in the balance.

Whilst unconcious, I found myself in an underground tunnel with metal doors on each side. There was slime and water covering the walls. This tunnel was on a precipice and I could see a very dull light at the end of the tunnel. I opened the first door and inside what seemed like a dungeon were skeletons that were alive and in deep emotional pain, chained to the wall.

I began to open the doors on each side and a figure appeared beside me. I couldn't see him, but he was telling me what each individual had done in their lifetime to cause them to be there. I finally reached the ledge at the end and the light was no brighter.

I stared down into a dark abyss. The person next to me told me that I could jump off if I wanted to. It was at that point I turned around and started running back the way that I came.

I turned around and saw the figure for the first time. It was a man that looked like the Jesus that I had grown up with, but I wasn't sure. He was just looking at me as I ran.

The last thing I remember saying was that I was going back and then I was conscious for a few moments in a black void. I then smelled a beautiful fragrance that was familiar to me and I began to focus.

I then realised that I was in hospital and my mum, dad, and little sister were at the bottom of the bed. I cried, not because I was glad to be alive, but because I wanted to be back in the dark void and feel that peace. I have had many strange things happen around me at various times throughout my life and I cannot explain them.

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