I often hear from wives who have recently been told that their husband wants (or has filed for) a divorce.
Many of them didn't see this coming or didn't think that things were so bad in the marriage to warrant a divorce.
So, their first inclination is often to ask their husband why, exactly, he wants to end things.
I often hear comments like "sure, we had problems, but things weren't that bad.
I just don't understand why he wants a divorce and wants to throw everything away over a tiny little rough patch.
" Many times, the husband isn't exactly forthcoming in explaining his thinking or his reasons for wanting to end the marriage.
He'll often give the wife vague answers like "I just think this is best.
" Or, "it's just time to move on.
" But, he usually won't give the wife a detailed explanation of his reasoning, which is what she wants.
And, she usually wants this because she's hoping that if she can understand why he wants a divorce, she can begin to address all of those things that are standing in the way of her being able to save her marriage.
In short, she's looking to identify (and then overcome) any obstacles.
But, she needs his help to do this because she can't read his mind.
Unfortunately, he's usually either not willing or not able to provide this.
Sometimes, he realizes what you are trying to do, which makes him even more determined to remain tight lipped.
And other times, he just can't put into words or doesn't even know himself what he's truly feeling.
So, in the following article, I'll try to give you some insight about why husbands often want a divorce and some suggestions about what to do if you find yourself in this situation.
Know That You May Not Ever Fully Understand Or Embrace His Thinking Right Now: Here's the thing that many of us do not realize at the time.
There's no way that we will ever be able to step inside our husband's brain and heart and feel his feelings.
And, even if he does try to describe it to us, he will often embellish or buffer it so that we are hearing precisely what he wants for us to hear.
Sure, you may pry some reasoning out of him so that you have something to work with.
That's a worthwhile goal.
But, thinking that you're going to be able to understand exactly what he's thinking and feeling and exactly why he wants a divorce could well be unrealistic.
Sometimes, your husband can't even put his finger on his exact reasoning.
He just knows that, at this time, he thinks his life would be better divorced rather than married.
Some Reasons Men Give For Wanting A Divorce: The reasons that men want to end their marriage are as different as the men and situations themselves.
But, I do hear from a decent amount of men in this situation and many of them say the same sort of things.
They'll often tell you that the spark just isn't there anymore.
Or that their wife doesn't make or have the time for them.
They'll say that they feel like they were living with a roommate or distant family member rather than a lover.
Many say that they just couldn't shake the nagging question of "is this all there is?" It might surprise some wives that I rarely hear complaints or criticisms about the wives themselves.
For example, I rarely hear a husband admit that he's no longer attracted to his wife, although this is what many wives have come to assume.
Instead, they often just describe that they feel that something is missing and they don't know how to get it back.
Eventually, they will equate this missing piece with their lack of happiness.
This is true whether this is accurate or fair, or not.
So, what does this mean for you? Well, this leads me to my next point.
Focusing On Making Changes Rather Than Trying To Understand His Exact Reasons For Wanting The Divorce: I often tell wives that I believe they are better off taking their focus off his reasoning and on making real change designed to change their husband's perceptions about them and the marriage.
Many wives will want to place most of their focus on gaining understanding followed by using this understanding to present various arguments to change his mind.
The thing is, he will often see right through this and he will the be more determined not to change it.
It's my opinion and experience that you're often better off addressing the general lack of satisfaction, restlessness, and unhappiness.
These things are almost always universal.
But sometimes, we worry so much about his reasoning that we miss what is right in front of us.
He's unhappy and he's dissatisfied because he thinks that the marriage and the woman that he loved and which used to make him happy are gone.
So, doesn't it make more sense to bring both of them back rather than continuing to dwell and nag him about his thinking and his feelings (which are two things that men often don't want to (or can't) disclose?) At the very least, if you've been trying to come up with some understanding for quite some time and haven't gotten anywhere, perhaps you could consider that it might make sense to try something new, at least for long enough to see if a new angle might work better.