How to Prepare Emotionally for Divorce
Divorce is a one tough time for many women and there are certain stages you'll experience from the time you decide a divorce is your only option to obtaining the final divorce decree.
You'll be inundated with advice from friends on preparing emotionally for a divorce.
But no two separations or divorces are truly the same and you may experience some phases that have never happened to your friends.
Each divorce, like each marriage, is unique.
Disbelief and Contradiction of Divorce In many cases, women contemplating a divorce first try and dismiss the whole divorce idea and instead try to see the relationship through rose-colored glasses.
When those glasses are removed, however, you may experience some typical feelings including doubts, depression and anger.
You may find yourself in a state of mental contradiction when preparing emotionally for a divorce from your spouse.
Even if you've made up your mind it's time to move on with your life, it's normal to go through a doubting period when you wonder if you're really making the right decision for yourself and your children.
There are many women who want to end a marriage and know it's the right thing to do, but nevertheless convince themselves they just can't take a Dad away from his children.
Expect these feelings of contradiction because they are truly normal.
Rage and Resentment Against Spouse Another emotional period you may experience is rage and resentment against your spouse.
Whether there is fault or no real defined fault, in this phase, it's possible for you to think of every bad thing that ever happened during your marriage and continually remind yourself of the bad times.
This can be a roller-coaster of emotions because just as it's easy to remember the good times, the divorce process also affords the ease of remembering the tough times.
Realize these feelings are also normal and try to get off the roller coaster.
Write down the bad times to get these feelings off your chest so to speak and try and keep the feelings on that piece of paper instead of constantly reviewing them in your head.
The Faux Fix and Repair Phase of Divorce During the rage and resentment period while reliving and reminding yourself of the good and bad times you may start to actually ask yourself, "Am I making the right decision?" Friends or family members may support these feelings by constantly reminding you of the great man you already have and how it would be better if you hung in there for the sake of the kids.
Tales of how dating is hard, living alone is hard, or supporting yourself is hard may actually make you reconsider and attempt to try and fix the marriage even though you've re-hashed the problems over and over again.
During this phase, remember why you made the decision in the first place and listen to your heart and mind, not the advice of others.
Feelings of Hopelessness Once you've talked to your divorce lawyer and the process has begun, you may really become frightened about the very things you've heard about.
You will be without a man in your life and be responsible for many things you relied on him to do in the past, especially around finances.
With these feelings may come a time where your feel depressed.
Who will do these things now? This phase requires you to remain strong and stay connected to positive friends and family members.
Remember how strong you really are.
And remember how you did fine on your own before the marriage.
To cope with your worst fears, learn more about specific fears by talking to a therapist, taking a free class at a community center or turning on your computer and reading up on, or buying helpful programs that will show you how to do things you've never done before.
Recognition and Acknowledgement Preparing emotionally for divorce also includes a final phase of acceptance and acknowledgement.
Here you know the divorce will happen and accept it.
Even though you know the process will take place and you will soon have the divorce decree, this time still comes with some emotional feelings but also provides that little light at the end of the tunnel.
With this final phase you will feel stronger and be able to ask friends to stop with the advice and you will be able to start dealing with tasks you've been putting off.
You are ready for a new life and can accept it with hope and foresight of good times ahead.
Some or all of these phases may happen to you as you prepare for divorce.
You can get through each phase more easily than you thought if you surround yourself with positive people, take advice from your attorney and connect with others who have been in your situation yet were able to rebuild their lives with strength and a positive attitude.
You'll be inundated with advice from friends on preparing emotionally for a divorce.
But no two separations or divorces are truly the same and you may experience some phases that have never happened to your friends.
Each divorce, like each marriage, is unique.
Disbelief and Contradiction of Divorce In many cases, women contemplating a divorce first try and dismiss the whole divorce idea and instead try to see the relationship through rose-colored glasses.
When those glasses are removed, however, you may experience some typical feelings including doubts, depression and anger.
You may find yourself in a state of mental contradiction when preparing emotionally for a divorce from your spouse.
Even if you've made up your mind it's time to move on with your life, it's normal to go through a doubting period when you wonder if you're really making the right decision for yourself and your children.
There are many women who want to end a marriage and know it's the right thing to do, but nevertheless convince themselves they just can't take a Dad away from his children.
Expect these feelings of contradiction because they are truly normal.
Rage and Resentment Against Spouse Another emotional period you may experience is rage and resentment against your spouse.
Whether there is fault or no real defined fault, in this phase, it's possible for you to think of every bad thing that ever happened during your marriage and continually remind yourself of the bad times.
This can be a roller-coaster of emotions because just as it's easy to remember the good times, the divorce process also affords the ease of remembering the tough times.
Realize these feelings are also normal and try to get off the roller coaster.
Write down the bad times to get these feelings off your chest so to speak and try and keep the feelings on that piece of paper instead of constantly reviewing them in your head.
The Faux Fix and Repair Phase of Divorce During the rage and resentment period while reliving and reminding yourself of the good and bad times you may start to actually ask yourself, "Am I making the right decision?" Friends or family members may support these feelings by constantly reminding you of the great man you already have and how it would be better if you hung in there for the sake of the kids.
Tales of how dating is hard, living alone is hard, or supporting yourself is hard may actually make you reconsider and attempt to try and fix the marriage even though you've re-hashed the problems over and over again.
During this phase, remember why you made the decision in the first place and listen to your heart and mind, not the advice of others.
Feelings of Hopelessness Once you've talked to your divorce lawyer and the process has begun, you may really become frightened about the very things you've heard about.
You will be without a man in your life and be responsible for many things you relied on him to do in the past, especially around finances.
With these feelings may come a time where your feel depressed.
Who will do these things now? This phase requires you to remain strong and stay connected to positive friends and family members.
Remember how strong you really are.
And remember how you did fine on your own before the marriage.
To cope with your worst fears, learn more about specific fears by talking to a therapist, taking a free class at a community center or turning on your computer and reading up on, or buying helpful programs that will show you how to do things you've never done before.
Recognition and Acknowledgement Preparing emotionally for divorce also includes a final phase of acceptance and acknowledgement.
Here you know the divorce will happen and accept it.
Even though you know the process will take place and you will soon have the divorce decree, this time still comes with some emotional feelings but also provides that little light at the end of the tunnel.
With this final phase you will feel stronger and be able to ask friends to stop with the advice and you will be able to start dealing with tasks you've been putting off.
You are ready for a new life and can accept it with hope and foresight of good times ahead.
Some or all of these phases may happen to you as you prepare for divorce.
You can get through each phase more easily than you thought if you surround yourself with positive people, take advice from your attorney and connect with others who have been in your situation yet were able to rebuild their lives with strength and a positive attitude.