Jill tried to free herself from the childhood sadness caused by divorce and parental neglect. She recklessly dove into a lifestyle of drugs and promiscuity. Eventually the drugs held her so tightly, she could not escape their destructive grasp. Jill spiraled downward into hopelessness until one day God's mercy intervened and Jill surrendered her life. Since that day three years ago, thanks to a gracious Savior, Jill's milestones have been more than amazing.

Jill's Milestones - From Jail to Jesus

My name is Jill and I'm forty years old. At age eight my parents divorced and my Mom kicked my brother out to go live with my Dad. My brother was doing drugs and getting into trouble with the law. My Mom just couldn't deal with him. She was not in love with my Dad and wanted to start a new life without him.

My Mom still had to be responsible for me, but her life became her focal point. I did not adapt well to life with a single parent. I became depressed after my parents split. My Mother became absorbed in her social life and distanced herself from nurturing me.

Inescapable Sadness

In the summer after seventh grade I was introduced to marijuana -- the beginning of a lifestyle I would soon become immersed in. I was trying to overcome the inescapable sadness I had known for the past four to five years. I drank, smoked, dropped out of school in the eighth grade, and grew extremely rebellious to any of my Mom's attempts to "fix" me.

I got pregnant at age fifteen.

My Mom marched me down to the abortion clinic (in 1980) for my first of what would be twelve abortions in my lifetime. I hated her. She had a boyfriend and she stayed at his house every night. We never saw each other.

Running from Reality

Eventually I drop out completely from school and began running the street, chasing whatever drug I could get my hands on. I indulged heavily in LSD and mushrooms. I felt the farther away from reality I could get, for the longest period of time, the better. I carried on this way for about five years, from age twelve to seventeen.

Finally my Mom decided to sell her house and move in with her boyfriend. Arrangements were made for me and a girlfriend (who had finished high school and was accepted into Sacramento State University) to get an apartment in Sacramento. The rent would be split between our parents.

What a disaster! She tried to keep it together, but I was just a party animal. She soon got off track and we eventually split ways.

I did finally get my act together when a friend made arrangements for me to house sit for a man she knew in Hawaii -- my ticket out of drug-ridden Sacramento and a growing cocaine addiction. I got a job in a Waikiki nightclub (1985). My future husband hired me. I lived with him for five years and experienced a time of stability. I was more responsible than I had ever been my whole life.

However, as time went on, we grew apart emotionally. I wanted to move on. Then I got pregnant. I felt trapped. I resolved to try to make it work with him, after all he had done so much for me, as had his whole family. I had a beautiful little girl. We got married when she was seven months old.

My marriage didn't last a year. I fantasized continuously about moving home to California. Eventually my fantasies turned into reality, and I made a break, leaving husband and child. I traded in a perfectly normal life for a grim future of worse drug abuse than before.

An Emptiness Inside of Me

I was now twenty-five and thought I could handle it. I was free after all, with no one to answer to except myself. I immediately dove into the big party lifestyle. I tried to hold down a job, but there was an emptiness inside me that I could not fill. I had abandoned my daughter. The feelings required massive doses of methamphetamine, liquor, and marijuana to subdue.

Continue reading page 2 of "Jill's Milestones"