How Women Use Fantasy to Reach Orgasm
Remember that a woman's sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies.
So a man can encourage a partner to be in a sexy mood by buying erotic but tasteful material to be shared together or for the woman to indulge in alone.
Review some sex stories and buy her a couple of erotic novels as a present.
Talk to her about what kind of stories turn her on and choose something mid-stream initially that is least likely to cause offense.
Men often worry that if a woman masturbates they will lose out on the opportunity to have sex.
In fact, the process of indulging in sexual fantasies and orgasm is likely to make a woman more amenable to sex with her partner, and it can be a great turn-on for a man to know that his woman has been aroused enough to come.
If you can put your sexual ego aside, many couples find that they get the most out of sex by making the most of sexual fantasies.
Buy some sexy movies but bear in mind that women tend to need more story content than men.
Consider how to combine sexual fantasy (hers as well as yours) into your sex play.
Start sex sessions with a sexy book or a sex video.
Make her arousal the focal point.
"What women want in a sexual relationship: (1) More spontaneity: all too often the sexual pattern is routine, preordained, expected.
(2) More passion - and less urgency to have intercourse quickly.
(3) Their man to have less preoccupation with his own penis.
" (p123 EveryMan 1980) Rose was a pretty woman, tall and slim.
Despite being a mother and housewife at home she always achieved a classy presentation.
Her partner evidently cared about his sex life and over the years they had had their ups and downs like everyone else.
In her late forties Rose told me that although she masturbated as a youngster (from 14) it was never to orgasm.
When she met her long-term partner she didn't want (for a number of reasons) penetrative sex so their initial experiments were with mutual masturbation.
It was really easy then about 6 months later to transfer to penetrative orgasmic sex.
Rose did not masturbate alone but she had succeeded in applying orgasm techniques to sex with her partner.
Very occasionally, her partner will masturbate her but generally, she masturbates herself.
Rose confirmed that her partner tends to initiate sex.
Rose agreed that a man's sexual arousal can be very flattering and that an important aspect of her own sexual arousal was the idea that her partner wanted to have sex with her.
Some couples find that the spoon position allows a woman to stimulate herself (think of spoons lying side by side in a drawer - man behind the woman).
Rose believed that the power women have over men (i.
e.
the ability to sexually arouse them) is at times really appreciated by the woman and helps with her arousal.
And at other times completely abhorrent to her or at least the effect it has is abhorrent.
Unfortunately, men seem to be unable to get the timing right as to when to respond to this power.
This is not very fair for men because they really seem unable to pick up the signals and respond appropriately.
For whatever reason (upbringing, genetics) that their emotions are so controlled that they cannot read the emotional signals that women give out.
"It's not that men are insensitive.
Their brains just aren't organised to notice small details and changes in the appearance or behaviour of others.
" (p77 Why Men Don't Listen 1999)
So a man can encourage a partner to be in a sexy mood by buying erotic but tasteful material to be shared together or for the woman to indulge in alone.
Review some sex stories and buy her a couple of erotic novels as a present.
Talk to her about what kind of stories turn her on and choose something mid-stream initially that is least likely to cause offense.
Men often worry that if a woman masturbates they will lose out on the opportunity to have sex.
In fact, the process of indulging in sexual fantasies and orgasm is likely to make a woman more amenable to sex with her partner, and it can be a great turn-on for a man to know that his woman has been aroused enough to come.
If you can put your sexual ego aside, many couples find that they get the most out of sex by making the most of sexual fantasies.
Buy some sexy movies but bear in mind that women tend to need more story content than men.
Consider how to combine sexual fantasy (hers as well as yours) into your sex play.
Start sex sessions with a sexy book or a sex video.
Make her arousal the focal point.
"What women want in a sexual relationship: (1) More spontaneity: all too often the sexual pattern is routine, preordained, expected.
(2) More passion - and less urgency to have intercourse quickly.
(3) Their man to have less preoccupation with his own penis.
" (p123 EveryMan 1980) Rose was a pretty woman, tall and slim.
Despite being a mother and housewife at home she always achieved a classy presentation.
Her partner evidently cared about his sex life and over the years they had had their ups and downs like everyone else.
In her late forties Rose told me that although she masturbated as a youngster (from 14) it was never to orgasm.
When she met her long-term partner she didn't want (for a number of reasons) penetrative sex so their initial experiments were with mutual masturbation.
It was really easy then about 6 months later to transfer to penetrative orgasmic sex.
Rose did not masturbate alone but she had succeeded in applying orgasm techniques to sex with her partner.
Very occasionally, her partner will masturbate her but generally, she masturbates herself.
Rose confirmed that her partner tends to initiate sex.
Rose agreed that a man's sexual arousal can be very flattering and that an important aspect of her own sexual arousal was the idea that her partner wanted to have sex with her.
Some couples find that the spoon position allows a woman to stimulate herself (think of spoons lying side by side in a drawer - man behind the woman).
Rose believed that the power women have over men (i.
e.
the ability to sexually arouse them) is at times really appreciated by the woman and helps with her arousal.
And at other times completely abhorrent to her or at least the effect it has is abhorrent.
Unfortunately, men seem to be unable to get the timing right as to when to respond to this power.
This is not very fair for men because they really seem unable to pick up the signals and respond appropriately.
For whatever reason (upbringing, genetics) that their emotions are so controlled that they cannot read the emotional signals that women give out.
"It's not that men are insensitive.
Their brains just aren't organised to notice small details and changes in the appearance or behaviour of others.
" (p77 Why Men Don't Listen 1999)