Divorce to Remarriage - The First Task You Need to Accomplish Before a Remarriage
Divorce and remarriage are huge decisions that require a lot of thought.
They both cause upheaval and changes that can't be avoided, even if you want to.
Perhaps it's due to all of the post-divorce changes, that research shows individuals who wait at least 2 years after a divorce to remarry have the greatest chance for success.
You need time to thoroughly get everything done.
Not all of the changes caused by a divorce are negative.
Those dealing with a reduction in stress and conflict are very positive indeed.
There are those changes that are more negative in nature though.
It's essential that these changes are acknowledged.
The key here is not that you like them, but that you accept them.
Some of these changes include:
You may not have the time or energy to be able to dote on your children as you had in the past.
You are also the only parent in your household, so you may have had to step up your role as the disciplinarian.
Another common change in your relationship is that you may not get to see your children as often as you used to.
Before the divorce, your children lived at your house.
You had easy access to them.
Now, your time with them is dictated by a divorce decree.
This is a hard adjustment and can cause a real sense of loss for a lot of parents.
This affects numerous life areas including: the home you live in, having to go back to work or take a second job, your ability to purchase items for your children, your sense of security and your social life.
It's very common for people to be uncomfortable with these changes and want to just blow through them as fast as possible with as little thought to them as necessary.
But here's the problem with that...
they are out of your control.
We don't like being out of control.
That's why coming to a sense of acceptance is so important.
To accept that these things are out of your control and to accept this is where things are at in your life doesn't mean you are happy about it.
It does mean that you are at peace with it.
It doesn't mean things can't change.
It means you're not seeking revenge for your situation in the hopes of that making you feel better.
In essence, it means you've left the old life behind and are moving forward.
They both cause upheaval and changes that can't be avoided, even if you want to.
Perhaps it's due to all of the post-divorce changes, that research shows individuals who wait at least 2 years after a divorce to remarry have the greatest chance for success.
You need time to thoroughly get everything done.
Not all of the changes caused by a divorce are negative.
Those dealing with a reduction in stress and conflict are very positive indeed.
There are those changes that are more negative in nature though.
It's essential that these changes are acknowledged.
The key here is not that you like them, but that you accept them.
Some of these changes include:
- How your relationship with your children has changed?
You may not have the time or energy to be able to dote on your children as you had in the past.
You are also the only parent in your household, so you may have had to step up your role as the disciplinarian.
Another common change in your relationship is that you may not get to see your children as often as you used to.
Before the divorce, your children lived at your house.
You had easy access to them.
Now, your time with them is dictated by a divorce decree.
This is a hard adjustment and can cause a real sense of loss for a lot of parents.
- How have your finances changed?
This affects numerous life areas including: the home you live in, having to go back to work or take a second job, your ability to purchase items for your children, your sense of security and your social life.
It's very common for people to be uncomfortable with these changes and want to just blow through them as fast as possible with as little thought to them as necessary.
But here's the problem with that...
they are out of your control.
We don't like being out of control.
That's why coming to a sense of acceptance is so important.
To accept that these things are out of your control and to accept this is where things are at in your life doesn't mean you are happy about it.
It does mean that you are at peace with it.
It doesn't mean things can't change.
It means you're not seeking revenge for your situation in the hopes of that making you feel better.
In essence, it means you've left the old life behind and are moving forward.