How to Save My Relationship
Is it possible to head off a break-up at the pass? It sure is; let's stick together.
This new relationship advice can help you develop healthier relationships.
Help you understand what went wrong and why.
Set new boundaries to restore trust and talk to your partner without making things worse.
Learn how to listen to your partner.
How can I understand my partner? Effective communication requires equal parts of expressing your own feelings AND listening and responding constructively to your partner.
Being a good listener can be much harder then being a good speaker.
How can you listen to and understand, and also communicate that understanding? (1) Communicate your willingness to listen up front, (2) respond appropriately while your partner is speaking and (3) respond constructively after your partner has finished.
Communicate your willingness to listen.
You can do this by making yourself available when your partner asks to be heard.
You can also invite your partner to talk with you when he/she appears to be distressed.
Making yourself available means eliminating distractions and offering your full attention.
It can be as simple as turning your face to your partner, making eye contact, and waiting to hear what your partner has to say.
Present yourself nonverbally as being willing to listen.
Looks of impatience, an angry scowl, arms tightly crossed all indicate an emotional resistance to listening.
Instead turn to face your partner, relax your facial muscles, adopt a relaxed physical posture, and lower your voice.
Use body language.
While your partner is speaking it is important to use body language to show you are interested in listening.
Maintain eye contact, make your facial and physical expression receptive.
Avoid scowling, foot tapping or exasperated sighs.
The following specific guidelines are critical.
Don't interrupt.
Listen without interrupting can be hard when your partner is talking about difficult and hurtful issues.
One of you has to be willing to listen and demonstrate your understanding first, and you are encouraged to be the one to do that.
Don't practice a rebuttal.
As your partner is talking, avoid preparing or rehearsing your response; or you will stop really listening.
Your turn will come in good time.
Finally, as you're listening to your partner and before you respond, be sure you understand your partner's goal for this discussion.
Does your partner just want to be heard and understood, or does he/she want to solve a problem or reach a decision with you? If you are unsure ask "I'm not sure what you're looking for right now.
Do you want to talk about this for a while, or do you want us to make some decisions about what to do?"
This new relationship advice can help you develop healthier relationships.
Help you understand what went wrong and why.
Set new boundaries to restore trust and talk to your partner without making things worse.
Learn how to listen to your partner.
How can I understand my partner? Effective communication requires equal parts of expressing your own feelings AND listening and responding constructively to your partner.
Being a good listener can be much harder then being a good speaker.
How can you listen to and understand, and also communicate that understanding? (1) Communicate your willingness to listen up front, (2) respond appropriately while your partner is speaking and (3) respond constructively after your partner has finished.
Communicate your willingness to listen.
You can do this by making yourself available when your partner asks to be heard.
You can also invite your partner to talk with you when he/she appears to be distressed.
Making yourself available means eliminating distractions and offering your full attention.
It can be as simple as turning your face to your partner, making eye contact, and waiting to hear what your partner has to say.
Present yourself nonverbally as being willing to listen.
Looks of impatience, an angry scowl, arms tightly crossed all indicate an emotional resistance to listening.
Instead turn to face your partner, relax your facial muscles, adopt a relaxed physical posture, and lower your voice.
Use body language.
While your partner is speaking it is important to use body language to show you are interested in listening.
Maintain eye contact, make your facial and physical expression receptive.
Avoid scowling, foot tapping or exasperated sighs.
The following specific guidelines are critical.
Don't interrupt.
Listen without interrupting can be hard when your partner is talking about difficult and hurtful issues.
One of you has to be willing to listen and demonstrate your understanding first, and you are encouraged to be the one to do that.
Don't practice a rebuttal.
As your partner is talking, avoid preparing or rehearsing your response; or you will stop really listening.
Your turn will come in good time.
Finally, as you're listening to your partner and before you respond, be sure you understand your partner's goal for this discussion.
Does your partner just want to be heard and understood, or does he/she want to solve a problem or reach a decision with you? If you are unsure ask "I'm not sure what you're looking for right now.
Do you want to talk about this for a while, or do you want us to make some decisions about what to do?"