The holiday season is a time for reflection, taking inventory, giving remembrance and thanks for all that has been good in our lives over the past year.
It is also a time for forgiveness, mercy and generosity.
In these times, we surely need all of those things; for this has been the year of the liar.
This is the year of the liar not because we have become particularly proficient liars or because we lie so much more than we have in the past.
It deserves this designation because never before have we been so proud of our lies and willing to publicly adore the lying of others.
We have always been liars.
Sure, some lies seem innocent enough.
The lie about whether or not your wife looks fat in that dress has good intentions.
It is told to avoid conflict (heaven knows nobody really wants that) and to avoid hurting your wife's feelings.
The thing is that unless your wife is blind, she knows whether or not she looks fat in the dress and what she is looking for is affirmation from you.
She needs to have enough ego integrity to ask for what she wants.
Backdoor communication isn't healthy for anyone.
If you lie, then when can she trust you?Can she trust you on the "big stuff"?Well, if you don't have the courage to tell the truth on the "little" stuff; where will this sudden burst of courage come from?If by chance, your wife really wants a second opinion on whether or not she looks fat in that dress, an opportunity for exercising the strength of partnership bonds has just leaped haplessly to its death.
We tell these kinds of lies because from childhood we are taught that lying is bad but some lying is okay.
Not only is some lying okay, it's laudable and fun.
Y'all remember Santa Claus don't you?I know I am going to lose some of you here because of nit picking but here we go...
Santa Claus is a jolly fat man who spends 364 days spying on everybody all over the world keeping J.
Edgar Hoover style files on all of us.
Then, we get pigeon holed into the "good boys and girls" or "bad boys and girls" cliché.
The "good" boys and girls get their hopes and dreams fulfilled in a box with pretty papers and ribbons.
The "bad" boys and girls get nothing or a lump of coal depending on the disposition of the mythology disseminator.
(In these days of scarce fossil fuels, I'm saying a lump of coal is a fairy tale.
) Given the nature of the season, it seems appropriate to ponder this statement, "...
He who among you is without sin, let him cast the first stone.
"This statement is an acknowledgement that we are not creatures that are absolute in nature.
None of us is all good or all bad that we may be so easily categorized.
That includes Santa himself.
You could hardly call him supportive when they wouldn't let Rudolph play reindeer games.
Suddenly, a little fog comes in and it's, "Rudolph! Buddy! How's it going?" Too often we underestimate the ability of children to understand the shades of gray in life.
Children are capable of understanding that both burglary and murder are bad but they are not equivalent.
Children are capable of understanding that even good people do bad things sometimes and that even bad people are capable of doing good things.
This type of thinking leads to the tendency to oversimplify and make sweeping and inaccurate generalizations like...
"The axis of evil" and "they hate us for our freedom.
" Consider the recently executed Stanley "Tookie" Williams.
He committed horrible acts of violence and cruelty, distinctly bad things.
He also committed acts of kindness and thoughtfulness through his humanitarian efforts toward eradicating violence.
There is no objective balance sheet of good and bad.
Good deeds do not cancel out bad behavior nor does bad behavior negate good acts.
We reward Bill Gates everyday at an alarming rate with our purchasing dollars for the lies he told (by his own account) to initially fund Microsoft.
He isn't alone.
The list of lying CEO's is too numerous and depressing to list.
Lying may not begin with the Santa Claus thing but few other lies are more pervasive and universally accepted, no, applauded.
Maybe that is my own denial showing because even as I write these words an unfortunate list of culturally pervasive lies has occurred to me.
Perhaps what is true is that it is the first in a long line of culturally accepted lies that we encounter over a lifetime.
Some adults will still say, "What's the harm?"They will accuse those who are unwilling to participate in this fiction of being fanatically histrionic or worse of being a "scrooge".
They see this as a harmless romp that brings joy to lives of children.
I tell you now that this is equivalent to the oft-reprised refrain of "boys will be boys" that excuses uncalled for and uncivilized behavior in boys/men.
It is no less thoughtless and destructive.
I wonder annually how many children are afraid that Santa won't come because they don't have a chimney?How many children are concerned that Santa won't leave any presents because he can't find them as they are being shuffled between divorced parents when Christmas comes?There are a myriad of questions that this little white lie leaves in its wake along with a myriad of follow-up lies.
Worse still is what the bourgeois failed to even consider as this lie blanketed our cultural psyche; the failure of Santa to visit the children of the underclass and others whose disposable income will not afford gifts at all.
We know that we are what we think.
We often think what others tell us about ourselves and nobody is more vulnerable to the esteem of others than children.
What does the Santa story say to these children?Everyone who is good gets presents.
If you didn't get any presents you must be bad.
Let the self-fulfilling prophecy begin.
In short, (I know it's a little late for that) we can surely find a way to tell our children fanciful tales so that they can enjoy them but still understand them for what they are.
Now that we've had this talk, who's gonna tell George about Santa?