I can't believe it! I didn't think she could do anything worse to me.
I didn't think she could hurt me again, but she got another twist of the dagger deep inside my heart one more time.
I know the kids meant well when they told me she said they could call her mom.
I believe they toyed with the idea long enough that I am sure they even considered it.
She told them it was okay and it would be easier since all of the kids could be saying the same thing.
(They would be more like "real" brother and sisters, I suppose.
) I am going to throw up! Has this happened to you? What are the possibilities that this could ever happen to you? How would you handle it? I can tell you from my own experience that I was immediately stunned with shock and I became hurt, defensive and angry all at the same time.
I was thinking "Oh, HELL no!" But I didn't trust myself to speak.
I could tell they were a little uncomfortable.
I felt so much compassion for my children feeling like they were put on the spot.
My children told me they were not going to do it, but I wasn't sure if they felt my reaction or made that decision before bringing it up to me.
I felt like they wanted to know what I would say.
What could I say? Through my crushed heart, I muttered "You already have a mother and she has a name.
You don't get confused with your aunts and grandmothers.
What would you call me, then?" After the subject was closed for discussion, it remained heavy on my mind.
This can mean heartbreak for a non-custodial mom.
You feel threatened.
You ask God to help you understand.
You know that you're trying, really trying.
You question why they had to leave you, why they were taken from you.
Thoughts of killing or dying cross your mind.
They are your kids! They should live with YOU.
You are their mother to raise, teach and protect them.
You wonder what did you did so wrong to deserve losing your reason for living? Ugh! The pain, the excruciating pain! You feel the pain in your heart from your throat to your stomach.
You want to give up but you know they still need you.
You feel beaten and forgotten.
You wonder if you will get them back.
You want them to know you never stopped loving them no matter what or where they live.
You blame her.
How could she do this? You blame their father for allowing it to happen.
Will they call her Mom? What if they do? You hope you never have to hear it or hear of it.
You want so desperately for them to tell you it will never happen.
You feel sorry for yourself.
Does this sound like something that might be going through your mind or has in the past? You do not have to feel as though you deserve it.
You do not have to feel like it's a direct attack on you.
It's not about what the children, call their stepmother.
It's about your perception of what is happening.
Your thoughts are causing your pain.
You can get help dealing with this.
It takes a lot of courage to ask for help.
Know that you are not alone.
There are a number of different groups online where you can communicate with other non-custodial mothers.
You may find it helpful to get counseling or hire a Life Coach.