Start with conquering the bad habit of self sabotage.
Negative self talk is something that most everyone engages in from time to time.
It is the little voice in your head that says things like: "You can't do that.
" "What makes you think you can succeed?" "You will look like fool if you fail.
" "Don't even bother trying!" Engaging in comments like the ones above on a regular basis can result in self sabotage which halts us in our tracks from achieving goals and dreams.
A huge part of the problem is that we don't even consciously recognize that we are feeding our minds full of such negative comments.
The negative messages become second nature and only serve to strengthen our belief that we can't do anything out of the ordinary and that if we even try we will fail.
We begin to attribute our lack of success to being inadequate, when in actuality our lack of success is a result of self sabotaging messages that keep us from trying anything in the first place.
It is all too easy to become trapped in a vicious cycle of self sabotaging behavior and thinking.
So how do we break out of this vicious cycle and build confidence? 1.
Make a list of your successes.
Don't have any? Think again.
Go back to the very first year of your life that you can remember and begin jotting down at least one success for each year moving forward.
Year 1, you learned to walk.
Year two your speech grew exponentially, year three - you learned to use the bathroom.
Fast forward- year 16 you learned to drive.
Year 18 you graduated from high school.
These are all successes that at some point in time in your life you were extremely proud of.
Keep your list in a journal that you can go back to, look at, and add to from time to time.
It is important that we remember the great achievements in our lives.
All too often we lose track of our successes as we get caught up in day to day life, and instead focus on our failures.
It should be the other way around! Celebrate success.
Stop dwelling on the negative.
2.
Make an effort to monitor your self- talk for a week.
Listen to what you tell yourself.
How many times do you catch yourself engaging in negative talk? "Idiot- you can't do that.
" "That was really stupid.
You looked like a jerk.
" "There is no way you will ever get anything done.
" If you heard someone saying something like this to your best friend or to your child, how would you react? You probably would be angry or come to their defense.
Start treating yourself like your best friend.
Hear yourself saying something negative- refute it.
Tell yourself that it is not acceptable to talk that way.
3.
Accept that mistakes will happen, but don't view them as failures.
Instead view your mistakes as opportunities to grow and learn.
All too often mistakes or failure result in not trying again.
If you have young children in your family, share some of your mistakes and failures with them.
Use this as an opportunity to connect with your kids, to develop problem solving skills, and to share the lesson that it is okay to not always be perfect.
Remember that even people appearing super confident have insecurities.
They just don't spend all of their time focusing on them.
Instead they focus positively on all of life's possibilities.
4.
Believe in yourself.
Self confident people understand that having belief in their abilities is all that is needed to get things done.
Give them a goal or task and they will show steadfast determination in accomplishing the task at hand.
They perceive themselves as able to get things done.
They do not fall to negative self talk: "I will never be able to accomplish this!" Negative self talk is just not an option in their world.
Such determination and positive self talk results in success which opens the door for even more successes.
Perception ("I can do it!") creates reality ("Yes! I did it! I knew I could!").
So start believing in yourself and acting on those beliefs! 5.
Fake it.
Be happy even if you don't feel like it.
Smile even if you don't feel like it.
And, pretend that you are confident even if you don't feel that way.
There is much research out there that indicates that your facial expression can affect your mood.
If you walk around with a scowl or frown not many people will approach you.
If people don't approach you, then it becomes easy to believe that no one likes you.
So smile and laugh.
6.
Think about what you want out of life.
What is important? What do you want to achieve? Set goals and move towards them.
Identify the steps you need to take, the skills you need to have, and then identify a plan to get there.
Start small and then stretch yourself.
Make your goals bigger and more challenging as you reach more successes.
As you reach your goals your self confidence will grow exponentially.
7.
Having confidence is a balancing game.
You don't want to be under- confident or over-confident.
Having little or no confidence can result in getting stuck, not ever trying anything new, and having incredibly low self esteem.
Being over-confident on the other hand can result in taking on too much risk and stretching yourself beyond your limits.
The results: crashing and burning badly.
The remedy: act on informed risks, stretch yourself a little at a time, and stay clear on your true capabilities.