Friends Of Mourners
Sometimes we as friends and family do not exactly know what to do when our Jewish loved ones are in mourning. There are a few rules that we as the visitors of those in mourning must follow. Keep in mind that in some traditions when you visit someone in mourning you are attempting to cheer them up with food, drink, and other fun stuff. Such is not the case in Judaism.
People sitting Shiva behave very solemnly and so should you. Chances are the host won't offer you food or drink. They will be sitting on the floor or a low stool which is where you should be sitting. Do not speak first, instead allow the mourners to say the first words. You can offer your support by talking about fond memories you have of the deceased or talking about how they positively impacted your life. Although food will not be offered to you, you should offer to prepare or go out and get food as a way to help the family when they are in mourning. Doing these small tasks and chores for those sitting Shiva is a great way to show your support and allow the family to mourn. When leaving a traditional goodbye you say to a mourner, "May G-d comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."
There are different phases of the mourning process. The first stage is the most solemn and things move progressively from there to normalcy. In the beginning the mourners Kaddish is said daily or several times a day. At the funeral the Kaddish is said by the son or another designated relative. If you are unfamiliar with the Kaddish, there are people who can teach you the prayer and proper conduct for a Jewish memorial service. The one year anniversary of the death is marked by lighting yahzeit candles and saying the Kaddish. At any time during the process the Kaddish can be said by family or by any other Jew. Many people will say the Kaddish as often as possible and hire someone else to day it as well.
Even if you are not Jewish, your Jewish friends and loved ones will appreciate your support. Having someone tutor you about Jewish mourning (and there are people who make a living doing this) is a good place to start. Other than that all you can do is offer your love and support though what is inevitably a difficult time.
People sitting Shiva behave very solemnly and so should you. Chances are the host won't offer you food or drink. They will be sitting on the floor or a low stool which is where you should be sitting. Do not speak first, instead allow the mourners to say the first words. You can offer your support by talking about fond memories you have of the deceased or talking about how they positively impacted your life. Although food will not be offered to you, you should offer to prepare or go out and get food as a way to help the family when they are in mourning. Doing these small tasks and chores for those sitting Shiva is a great way to show your support and allow the family to mourn. When leaving a traditional goodbye you say to a mourner, "May G-d comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."
There are different phases of the mourning process. The first stage is the most solemn and things move progressively from there to normalcy. In the beginning the mourners Kaddish is said daily or several times a day. At the funeral the Kaddish is said by the son or another designated relative. If you are unfamiliar with the Kaddish, there are people who can teach you the prayer and proper conduct for a Jewish memorial service. The one year anniversary of the death is marked by lighting yahzeit candles and saying the Kaddish. At any time during the process the Kaddish can be said by family or by any other Jew. Many people will say the Kaddish as often as possible and hire someone else to day it as well.
Even if you are not Jewish, your Jewish friends and loved ones will appreciate your support. Having someone tutor you about Jewish mourning (and there are people who make a living doing this) is a good place to start. Other than that all you can do is offer your love and support though what is inevitably a difficult time.