Advice?Breaking Up - Personally I Blame Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty!
Need advice?Breaking up with your partner is rarely easy.
Even the shortest relationships can cause heartache if you have got emotionally involved.
If you have been together a long time then it can take years to get over.
I think that a number of women are to blame for breaking up.
The two usual suspects are Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty but any fairy tale character will do.
Why?Think about it.
In these stories, girl meets boy, he takes one look, is smitten, they kiss and live happily ever after.
BUT that is where the book ends.
How do we know that they don't get divorced five years later?Or that Sleeping Beauty decides her beast is boring and would prefer Cinder's prince charming? Real life relationships are not like the fairy tales despite what Hollywood would have you believe.
Yes of course there are many happy partnerships - why else do most of us still want the same thing? But we often have unrealistic expectations and this can cause conflict in relationships leading to break ups.
So what are the usual conflicts? Well sometimes us women behave badly.
We don't accept a man for who they are but instead decide that we are going to "change" them and make them "better".
Better for whom?Surely it was the man himself who attracted you in the first place so why do you need to change him now? The classic version of this is when women meet a man who reminds them of their Dad whom they adore and have on a pedestal.
Then they get to know him a bit better and decide that whilst he is a little like Dad, he has issues that need to be worked on.
So you start poking and prodding, nagging and whining.
Hardly the type of behaviour that makes your man happy.
Come on girls - wake up and smell the coffee.
Your relationship with your man should not resemble that between you and your Dad.
Or sometimes the men behave badly?Now I am not talking about them sleeping around (they deserve to be dumped), drinking too much or being physically or verbally abusive (an abusive person NEVER changes so should be dumped!).
I am talking about when we complain to our girlfriends that "he never talks about his feelings" or "he is never romantic" or "he doesn't make the effort".
Let me share a true story.
My kid sister (who is over 30 and should know better) is a serial dater.
Oh she says she wants a long term relationship but despite looking like a supermodel she can't keep a man.
Why?Well within a day of meeting him, she is analysing what he is saying, thinking or going to do in the relationship.
And this is before she knows his first name!Can you see why she is a serial dater?Guys run a mile despite her awesome looks.
As my mum used to say, a guy can smell desperation a mile away and tend to run in the opposite direction.
So do yourself a favour - think about what it is you want out of your relationship.
Make sure it is realistic and that you are not adopting a "Cinderella" approach to your relationships.
Even the shortest relationships can cause heartache if you have got emotionally involved.
If you have been together a long time then it can take years to get over.
I think that a number of women are to blame for breaking up.
The two usual suspects are Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty but any fairy tale character will do.
Why?Think about it.
In these stories, girl meets boy, he takes one look, is smitten, they kiss and live happily ever after.
BUT that is where the book ends.
How do we know that they don't get divorced five years later?Or that Sleeping Beauty decides her beast is boring and would prefer Cinder's prince charming? Real life relationships are not like the fairy tales despite what Hollywood would have you believe.
Yes of course there are many happy partnerships - why else do most of us still want the same thing? But we often have unrealistic expectations and this can cause conflict in relationships leading to break ups.
So what are the usual conflicts? Well sometimes us women behave badly.
We don't accept a man for who they are but instead decide that we are going to "change" them and make them "better".
Better for whom?Surely it was the man himself who attracted you in the first place so why do you need to change him now? The classic version of this is when women meet a man who reminds them of their Dad whom they adore and have on a pedestal.
Then they get to know him a bit better and decide that whilst he is a little like Dad, he has issues that need to be worked on.
So you start poking and prodding, nagging and whining.
Hardly the type of behaviour that makes your man happy.
Come on girls - wake up and smell the coffee.
Your relationship with your man should not resemble that between you and your Dad.
Or sometimes the men behave badly?Now I am not talking about them sleeping around (they deserve to be dumped), drinking too much or being physically or verbally abusive (an abusive person NEVER changes so should be dumped!).
I am talking about when we complain to our girlfriends that "he never talks about his feelings" or "he is never romantic" or "he doesn't make the effort".
Let me share a true story.
My kid sister (who is over 30 and should know better) is a serial dater.
Oh she says she wants a long term relationship but despite looking like a supermodel she can't keep a man.
Why?Well within a day of meeting him, she is analysing what he is saying, thinking or going to do in the relationship.
And this is before she knows his first name!Can you see why she is a serial dater?Guys run a mile despite her awesome looks.
As my mum used to say, a guy can smell desperation a mile away and tend to run in the opposite direction.
So do yourself a favour - think about what it is you want out of your relationship.
Make sure it is realistic and that you are not adopting a "Cinderella" approach to your relationships.