Coping With an Emotionally Painful Divorce?Improve Your Mental Outlook With "Self-Talk"
Are you trying to cope with an emotionally painful divorce? Do your thoughts roll relentlessly from thought to thought, dwelling, answering, extolling, arguing, pleading? Do you find them hard to get away from? Do you feel your mood is hard to maintain on the up side? If you've answered yes to one or more of these questions, then self-talk can help you.
What does this term, "self-talk", mean exactly? First, let's talk about what it is not.
It is not carrying on an animated conversation with yourself while you walk down the sidewalk! We've all seen this guy, oblivious to all except his imaginary "friend".
Most people who draw near to him usually take a wide berth as they pass, politely trying to avoid running into the friend.
Either that, or they are making sure there's enough room between them and him should the gentleman choose to stop his chat and take a lunge at them! Self-talk is not a conversation, nor a debate, nor a lecture.
Self-talk is verbal coaching, where you are both the coach AND the audience.
Through self-talk you coach yourself towards positive, productive, rational, supportive thinking, versus negative, unproductive, irrational, neglectful thinking.
Movie stars, old money, the nouveau riche, in other words, people with the financial ability to hire others to help coach them to better builds, a peaceful state of mind, better eating habits, and so forth, do so all the time.
For an hour or two each day a coaching expert can be hired, at a hefty fee, to come in and spur their clients to success.
Ah, the life! However, for those of us on a budget, yet with the same need for similar support, we have to look elsewhere for a coach to take on these responsibilities.
More often than not, we look to ourselves.
And that's okay, we can do it! Self-talk is not a new concept.
You probably already engage in it to a certain extent.
You walk up to the ice cream section of the grocery store, intent on buying the most wickedly delicious brand, replete with the best fat and sugar money can buy, only to stop yourself as you reach for the door handle and sigh, "No, I better not.
I ...
" Guess what! You just coached yourself to winning behavior! And you didn't need to hire anyone, call anyone, or even leave the cold comfort of the freezer section of the grocery store to do it! As we face trials and tribulations in our life, such as a loss or break up of a relationship, it will seem like it consumes us, we have a hard time not thinking about it.
Indeed, it's hard to think of anything else.
And the more we think about it the worse we feel.
It affects our quality of life, it affects our sleep, it affects our health, it affects our relationships with others.
"Self talk" is a tool you can use to help keep yourself on the best track for you.
It's about coaching yourself to positive, practical thinking.
If you're not coaching yourself through a difficult situation, if you're not telling yourself things that are supportive, compassionate, rational, you are not engaged in self-talk as it is described here.
Self-talk requires you to meet negative thoughts head-on with compassionate intervention and lead them in a direction that better serves you.
How you do it is best served by example: You've recently experienced a loss.
You're watching television and a commercial comes on that reminds you in some way of your loss.
Your emotional heart hurts and your tears well up.
You start to think about how lonely you are.
STOP HERE! You need a coach.
You need you immediately to intercede.
It is here, with this first negative thought, that you should step in; to help yourself move from the initial negative thought, to at least somewhere in the middle, if not to a more positive frame of mind.
For example, you, as your coach, could meet the thought with, "Yes, I am lonely.
I miss him or her.
But I know feeling sorry for myself will not make me feel any better, I will only feel worse and only add to my pain.
So I don't need to go down this path right now.
I think I'll get up and go start a load of clothes, or shoot hoops at the park, or paint my nails...
(you fill it in.
) It's not easy to be vigilant.
It takes work.
But, if you will use self-talk at the onset of negative thinking, you will be better for it.
Good luck!
What does this term, "self-talk", mean exactly? First, let's talk about what it is not.
It is not carrying on an animated conversation with yourself while you walk down the sidewalk! We've all seen this guy, oblivious to all except his imaginary "friend".
Most people who draw near to him usually take a wide berth as they pass, politely trying to avoid running into the friend.
Either that, or they are making sure there's enough room between them and him should the gentleman choose to stop his chat and take a lunge at them! Self-talk is not a conversation, nor a debate, nor a lecture.
Self-talk is verbal coaching, where you are both the coach AND the audience.
Through self-talk you coach yourself towards positive, productive, rational, supportive thinking, versus negative, unproductive, irrational, neglectful thinking.
Movie stars, old money, the nouveau riche, in other words, people with the financial ability to hire others to help coach them to better builds, a peaceful state of mind, better eating habits, and so forth, do so all the time.
For an hour or two each day a coaching expert can be hired, at a hefty fee, to come in and spur their clients to success.
Ah, the life! However, for those of us on a budget, yet with the same need for similar support, we have to look elsewhere for a coach to take on these responsibilities.
More often than not, we look to ourselves.
And that's okay, we can do it! Self-talk is not a new concept.
You probably already engage in it to a certain extent.
You walk up to the ice cream section of the grocery store, intent on buying the most wickedly delicious brand, replete with the best fat and sugar money can buy, only to stop yourself as you reach for the door handle and sigh, "No, I better not.
I ...
" Guess what! You just coached yourself to winning behavior! And you didn't need to hire anyone, call anyone, or even leave the cold comfort of the freezer section of the grocery store to do it! As we face trials and tribulations in our life, such as a loss or break up of a relationship, it will seem like it consumes us, we have a hard time not thinking about it.
Indeed, it's hard to think of anything else.
And the more we think about it the worse we feel.
It affects our quality of life, it affects our sleep, it affects our health, it affects our relationships with others.
"Self talk" is a tool you can use to help keep yourself on the best track for you.
It's about coaching yourself to positive, practical thinking.
If you're not coaching yourself through a difficult situation, if you're not telling yourself things that are supportive, compassionate, rational, you are not engaged in self-talk as it is described here.
Self-talk requires you to meet negative thoughts head-on with compassionate intervention and lead them in a direction that better serves you.
How you do it is best served by example: You've recently experienced a loss.
You're watching television and a commercial comes on that reminds you in some way of your loss.
Your emotional heart hurts and your tears well up.
You start to think about how lonely you are.
STOP HERE! You need a coach.
You need you immediately to intercede.
It is here, with this first negative thought, that you should step in; to help yourself move from the initial negative thought, to at least somewhere in the middle, if not to a more positive frame of mind.
For example, you, as your coach, could meet the thought with, "Yes, I am lonely.
I miss him or her.
But I know feeling sorry for myself will not make me feel any better, I will only feel worse and only add to my pain.
So I don't need to go down this path right now.
I think I'll get up and go start a load of clothes, or shoot hoops at the park, or paint my nails...
(you fill it in.
) It's not easy to be vigilant.
It takes work.
But, if you will use self-talk at the onset of negative thinking, you will be better for it.
Good luck!