How does the grieving person cope with the loss? Carefully, I would say.
We are advised to make no decisions for the first year.
That may not be possible for some of us.
For me, it was okay.
Actually I did not make financial decisions for three or four years.
I am very grateful that many decisions were not necessary.
One thing that gave me trouble was my car.
My children say I lived in a bubble that their father provided for me.
Perhaps I did, but I liked life that way.
He was in charge of the "man's work" around the house, and whatever my car may have needed came under the heading of "man's work.
" When Bill died, a very dear friend who had a auto mechanic shop, volunteered to take care of my car.
Without that kind and wonderful man, I would have been in a world of hurt.
It was true that he had done maintenance on our cars for years and years, but he was not obligated to volunteer anything to me.
What about yard work and handyman chores? All of us are not in a position to hire those chores out, nor do we have the time and talent to do them ourselves.
Maybe a neighbor will mow the front yard when he mows his own, or maybe not.
Thus, the property value may plummet.
Then, there is the simple problem of cooking and eating.
Do you know that most widowed people eat standing over the stove or sink? I did.
Why set the table for one? And housekeeping.
Who cares! I did not have to change the sheets but every other week; I slept on my side of the bed one week, and Bill's the next.
Abandonment by friends.
That was a difficult thing for me.
At first, I could not understand why our couple friends would desert me.
It took awhile, but I finally realized how uncomfortable having me in the party made everyone, and began to seek other friends.
Actually, I joined a widowed persons support group.
We were all in the same boat and we were good for each other.
I would recommend a support group for anyone.
If you can not find one, start one.
The grief process is painful, it is slow, it is lonely, and it is necessary.
And, it is nature's way of re-identifying who we are.