Preventing a Failing Marriage - Narrow Road of Mate Selection
Preventing a marriage from failing at all lies in starting out correctly in the first place.
If you chose your spouse badly and chose some one who lacks certain interpersonal skill necessary to address difficulties as they arise or tends to escalate them, then preventing you marriage from failing is all the harder.
If only we knew all the things that we now do about our partners qualities before we married, than now when our marriage is in serious difficulty, would we have made the choices that we did? Unfortunately, this thing about mate selection and attraction seems so logical and sensible 'post hoc', but not when we were failing in love.
Each human is unique.
We don't fall in love with just any one and most times we also don't fall in love with the 'right' one - right in the sense of that person who has all that it takes to make a marriage work and sensibly solve marriage problems when they are occurring.
No the 'right one' for us has more to do with magic of love, not interpersonal ability and the effectiveness of marital problem solving.
We instead seek a 'soul mate': one with whom we click and create magic.
This is not a selection process: it is a love affair.
Its about passion and magic, not interpersonal effectiveness! Now, while marriages and families are places of enormous love and happiness: they are also arrangements of unbelievable unhappiness and destruction.
Soul mates are not found everywhere! Kabir, a 15th Century Indian poet wrote, "The road to marriage is narrow, there is only room for one".
The reason why we get it wrong is that we do not know how narrow this path can be and attempt to travel it with the 'wrong' one.
If you thought that this narrow path could only be found with the heart and not both the heart and head, then you did not understand how narrow it can be be.
What if you and your soul mate are on that narrow path but are coming up short in the interpersonal and problem solving areas.
Does this mean that little can be done to prevent your marriage from failing?
If you chose your spouse badly and chose some one who lacks certain interpersonal skill necessary to address difficulties as they arise or tends to escalate them, then preventing you marriage from failing is all the harder.
If only we knew all the things that we now do about our partners qualities before we married, than now when our marriage is in serious difficulty, would we have made the choices that we did? Unfortunately, this thing about mate selection and attraction seems so logical and sensible 'post hoc', but not when we were failing in love.
Each human is unique.
We don't fall in love with just any one and most times we also don't fall in love with the 'right' one - right in the sense of that person who has all that it takes to make a marriage work and sensibly solve marriage problems when they are occurring.
No the 'right one' for us has more to do with magic of love, not interpersonal ability and the effectiveness of marital problem solving.
We instead seek a 'soul mate': one with whom we click and create magic.
This is not a selection process: it is a love affair.
Its about passion and magic, not interpersonal effectiveness! Now, while marriages and families are places of enormous love and happiness: they are also arrangements of unbelievable unhappiness and destruction.
Soul mates are not found everywhere! Kabir, a 15th Century Indian poet wrote, "The road to marriage is narrow, there is only room for one".
The reason why we get it wrong is that we do not know how narrow this path can be and attempt to travel it with the 'wrong' one.
If you thought that this narrow path could only be found with the heart and not both the heart and head, then you did not understand how narrow it can be be.
What if you and your soul mate are on that narrow path but are coming up short in the interpersonal and problem solving areas.
Does this mean that little can be done to prevent your marriage from failing?