At the beginning of a relationship there are so many new and exciting sensations and feelings going on, it feels like you are on top of the world! Fast forward to where you've been in the relationship for awhile, and things feel different.
The spark isn't there and the passion and wanting to be together all of the time seems to be missing as well.
At some point, every relationship will experience a lull.
These feelings are real and completely normal.
You see in the beginning of a relationship there is an actual chemical reaction that takes place.
As time goes by the body builds up a tolerance to the powerful concoction of phenyl ethylamine, dopamine, norepinepherine and oxytocin that you had racing through your system during the initial 6 months to 3 years of the relationship.
After two or three years, it's time to make it past the infatuation stage to the next stage of your relationship, true love and friendship.
Often times clients in long-term relationships come to me with the concern that their communication and connection with their partner is not what it used to be.
They know the love is still there but at times it feels like the romance and passion is MIA.
I explain to them that they are moving on to a new stage in the relationship and that now they get to enjoy a new type of connection.
This evolved connection brings a new type of passion with it and more of those glorious opiates known as endorphins.
We refer to them as the True Love Drug.
Endorphins reduce stress, help turn pain to pleasure and allow us to feel calm, comforted and happy.
And maybe the best news of all is that the longer two people are together, the stronger the endorphins become.
This beats out the initial rush we feel when we meet someone because these endorphins have a steadier, more addictive effect than the rush of amphetamines from infatuation.
The health benefits from a happy, loving relationship could be a whole other article.
How important is communication in bringing the spark back into our relationships? Experts try to convince us that communication is key.
They're right! Communication comes first in a successful relationship.
Clients often tell me how they think their spouse feels about certain issues, yet are completely surprised when the partner has a chance to talk it out.
A key part of communication is listening and acknowledging your partner's feelings.
Try to find ways to acknowledge your partner's feelings and needs and let them know how important it is that they acknowledge your feelings and needs.
Amazing things happen when people get acknowledged, it's almost magical.
If this becomes a regular habit, you two will probably find your love growing stronger than it has ever been before.
Remember, it may take practice, but it's worth it.
One of the best ways to transform a relationship almost immediately is simply by showing someone love in a way they can relate to.
Sometimes it helps to go away for an overnight or weekend trip and reminisce about the early days together.
This gets the two of you away from the typical environment and mixes things up a bit.
Another option is to spend some time discussing what you love about each other and talk about the direction that you both want the relationship to go.
A book I recommend on this topic is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
Here are some positive, non-confrontational exercises that you might want to try.
They can be very inspiring and enlightening! Share what you both like to hear from the other; pet names, appreciation, or whispers in their ear.
What are colors, music, foods, scents that get you relaxed and amorous? Get creative.
Tell each other what kind of clothes or hair style you would like your partner to try.
Definitely experiment with intimacy, there are so many ways to be intimate! It can also be exciting to talk about how you've seen your partner change over the years.
Maybe they look more distinguished, confident, beautiful, warm.
They may be more proficient at skills, or seem wiser, compassionate, resilient, etc.
Have fun and use both validation and acknowledgement together.
Bring up those things you may have noticed about them in an instant yet didn't mention in the past.
Keep planning trips and events for just the two of you that are pre-planned with some romance integrated.
The truth is that life partnerships need nurturing, maintenance, attention and ability to adjust to change.
Maybe a change is in order for your marriage.
By trying some of the suggestions listed above you are showing your partner that you realize relationships aren't to be put on long-term auto-pilot.
So enjoy securing your deeper, more loving connection.
If you have children, they need to learn how important "Mom and Dad" time is, so they can include that in their adult family life.
Remember! No pressure, no obligations - it's about "Rediscovery".