Your daughter has just told you that she is having a baby. After the shock and anger
subside, where do you go next? It is going to be a tough road. Your daughter has a lot of
decisions to make and she will probably be coming to you and asking a lot of questions.

Although you may not have the answers your daughter is looking for, be open to helping
her find the answers. She may need you to guide her to information or maybe she will
just want you to be there to hold her hand. Let her tell you what she needs from you. But
here are some things you should discuss with your daughter as soon as possible to
open up the dialogue on the situation and help her with her decision making:

" If your daughter is thinking about abortion

" Encourage her to question her reasons behind wanting this
" Is it that she just wants a quick fix?
" Discuss the psychological effects of that decision
" Remind her that it is a permanent decision with long-lasting effects
" Encourage her to visit websites like Pregnancy Help to help answer some
questions she might have about her options

" If your daughter is thinking about keeping the baby and parenting

" Discuss the role of the baby's father
" Ask how she thinks it will work for her
" Help her look at all that will be involved

" Working
" School
" Daycare
" Money

" If your daughter is thinking about adoption

" Discuss how open adoption works
" Work with her to find more information on open adoption
" Visit Lifetime Adoption for
more complete information on adoption

The best thing you can do for your daughter during this time is to be supportive of her.

She has a lot of decisions to make and may ask you for your advice. Although you
probably have tons of advice to give, try to refrain from giving it to her. This is really
something she needs to make her own decision on. You don't want her to have any
resentment towards you for decisions that were made.

The best way to help her is by guiding her to information and letting her make informed
decisions. Then once she has made a decision, do your best to support her. It may be
hard, especially if you don't agree with the decision she has made. If she decides to
parent, ask her to work on a written plan on how she will support her baby. If she
decides on adoption she might want to look at an open adoption. With an open
adoption, she is able to choose the adoptive parents for her child and they can remain in
contact. She can find out more by visiting sites like Open Adoption.

But remember that it is her life and she is trying to make the choice that is best for her
and her unborn baby. Keeping open communication between the two of you will be
useful for both of you as you are transitioning through this part of your lives.

This is a very emotional time for both your daughter and yourself. Do your best to be a
good role model for her. Try to answer the questions you can and guide her to
professionals for the questions you don't have the answers to. Remember she is now a
young person with tremendous responsibility and you can no longer afford to treat her
like your baby. She needs your help and support in her search for answers while she is
deciding her future.