After a 2 week Christmas break, I was back to work.
Make that back to paper work.
I was staring at the bulk of papers I have to finish.
My eyes are at it but my mind is drifting somewhere.
Somewhere beyond the red pen I am doodling with and the mountain of papers in front of me.
Probably to the place where I could seek the answer to a question that had been lingering in my cerebrum for so long now.
"What is happiness?" a voice in me would usually ask.
"Where is it?" one side of me would long for the reply.
I had no answer.
It was as if I swallowed my tongue and I could not offer any answer.
Happiness is elusive, I thought.
Maybe, if I go out of my cubicle, I would get what I have always wanted to find out.
And so I did.
I walked from school to a squatters' area.
Children with tattered clothes and muddy feet ran around the place.
From nowhere, a boy appeared begging for 5 pesos..
That was new to me.
Not the boy with his wounded hand and tired eyes; that is a common sight in the country.
It was the fact that he asked for a fixed rate.
Anyway, I asked him what he would do with 5 pesos.
He said he wanted to go to school the next day with his siblings but his parents did not have enough money.
Since he is the eldest, he is his parents' priority.
But going to school alone and leaving his siblings at home doing nothing would not make him feel happy.
But he wants to go to school so that he could make his parents proud.
I was caught in awe with this young boy.
Did he know that he was talking to someone who also has siblings but most of her time would not be spent with them? Does he know that I also did my best in school so that my father would be happy? Oh well.
He does not but God does.
He sent this boy from I-don't-know-where to make me realize that my father and siblings could be my source of happiness.
The thing is, most of the time, I just ignored that idea.
Our meaningful conversation ended with his "Salamat po" after I gave him more than what he asked for.
Anyway, it is always good to share blessings especially now that the jeepney fare rolled back to P7.
50.
Time to leave that area.
I continued walking.
I stopped by this convenience store to buy my favorite instant coffee.
There was this lady who I presumed was younger than me.
She was conversing with somebody over the phone.
At first, I did not notice that tears were rolling down her angelic face.
I know it is not right to eavesdrop but what can I do? I was at the right place and at the right time hearing her loud voice.
So, I stayed longer than the usual.
She was saying sorry to someone she called "baby".
Apologizing that she hurt him and that she did not mean to fall in love with another guy.
Wait a minute.
A few hours ago, I was talking to a very close friend about this guy I love so much.
And the fact that he could not reciprocate the feeling really caused spasms in my cardiac muscles.
Needless to say, that hurt me and made me feel so sad.
I'm pretty sure God sent this young woman to tell me, "Hey, yes, you were hurt but at least you did not play the role of the one who caused the hurt.
And just in case the forgetful person in you could not remember anymore, a friend was there to console and comfort you...
Love, God.
" Ok.
I rest my case.
I do not hurt anyone as far as I know.
I was blessed with true friends.
Why feel sad? Well, I heard this "Ting!" sound from the very core of my brain that reminds me, that's another source of happiness.
Self control from listening further - that was what I needed at that moment.
And so, self control took over and I just found myself walking away from the store with my right hand holding my instant coffee.
While striding to go back to the faculty room, I bumped into someone I met a long time ago.
We exchanged our hi's, hello's, how-are-you's and where-you-at's.
He told me his story - hopping from one company to another, endless arguments with his head, conflicts with his colleagues, etc.
To sum up his very exhausting long story, he was never happy with his work.
I did not ask him anymore why he is in the school premises.
I have a slight clue.
When he left, I paused and asked myself some questions.
Did that ever happen to me? So frustrated about everything in the work place? Cursing everyone in school out of anger? Well, the school where I teach is not perfect.
I always find myself at the foot of a mountain.
Very challenging and tiring, indeed.
The good thing is I have my colleagues.
I am very sure that as I climb the mountain and wherever I look, a colleague is there.
Someone in front of me to lead the way.
Someone at my back to push me forward just in case I stumble.
People to my right to tell me that I can do it.
People to my left to make me feel that I am not alone in the journey towards the peak to the other side till we conquer another mountain.
In short, I still have a better professional life than my friend.
I know what God would tell me this time, "I told you so.
Happiness is just right before your very eyes.
" So, in less than 1 hour, God taught me something.
Happiness is a choice.
I can choose to be happy with what I have and with the people who truly and deeply make me happy.
If only I would never ignore their presence and the happiness they can share with me.
If only I could see the positive side of life despite and in spite of.
If only I would let myself appreciate even the simple things in life like the sunrise.
If only I would allow myself to enjoy every second of my life even if it would mean accomplishing another bulk of boring papers.
Well, come to think of it.
The papers I am faced with right now belong to some young people who also make happy - my students.
They give me the opportunity to do something I love to do - teaching.
Not to mention, I get paid for that.
God is right.
Happiness can be found even in the bulk of seemingly endless papers in front of me.
Well, time to get my red pen back to work.
But before that, it is time first for another kind of happiness - a cup of coffee.