Table Etiquette and the Rule of Following the Hostess
- When you arrive at the party, there is likely to be time to mingle, snack on hors d'oeuvres and drink cocktails before the formal dinner begins. Unless the hostess directs you to be seated, do not sit down at the table until after the hostess has been seated. If there are no place cards on the table and you are unsure of where you should sit, ask the hostess before taking a seat. Sometimes a particular seat is reserved for the guest of honor.
- Watch the hostess for your cues on when to begin each course of the meal. Wait until everybody has their food in front of them before you start eating. The hostess might ask the host or another person to say a blessing for the meal. When the hostess puts her napkin on her lap, you can put yours on your lap as well. Wait until she has picked up her fork or other utensil before you take yours and begin eating. Start with the outermost utensils and work your way in, using a new utensil for each course.
- The hostess signals that it is acceptable to be done with your meal by setting her napkin to the left of her plate, or in the center of her place setting if the plates have already been cleared. At this point, you can put your napkin on the table as well. Loosely fold it on itself so that soiled areas are not immediately visible. The hostess decides when to serve tea or coffee. At this point, you can gracefully leave the dinner whenever you would like.
- In general, defer to the hostess during the seated portion of the meal. If you are unsure of whether a particular food is intended to be finger food or eaten with a fork, watch the hostess and do what she does. If you do not know whether to pass food around the table or do a more family-style approach, where people pass their plates to the main dish and the hostess serves it, wait and see what she suggests. Let the hostess guide the dinner conversation, and try to avoid monopolizing the discussion or bringing up controversial topics, unless the hostess specifically introduced the topic.