When times get tough in a marriage, it's not as simple as simply saying "I quit".
The ramifications are deep, it's not as easy as walking away from a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
There are legal issues, kids, property to split up and so forth.
Plus, the reason you got married in the first place was because of the fact that you wanted to build a relationship that would withstand the test of time.
It's not as easy as it sounds in the beginning though.
People get bored, bills assault couples, people cheat and simply sometimes get frustrated because of issues that have built up for far too long.
Rather than throw the marriage away, most people try to remedy the situation first.
Often this calls for marriage counseling, but marriage counseling has to be appropriate for each situation for it to be effective or for it to work in a lasting way.
So what types of questions should you ask before entering into marriage counseling or marriage therapy? What issues are the most vital issues to each partner? It's not just about addressing the issues or even finding the issues, it's about finding the most pressing issues first, prioritizing those issues and fixing and addressing them accordingly.
By the time a couple gets to the point that they need marriage counseling, there is a lot of anger and emotion involved.
It's hard for a person involved to really see what the issues are.
A marriage counselor can help to truly find, identify, prioritize and fix those problems.
Once the bigger problems are out of the way, the smaller problems are easy to fix.
What steps are each spouse willing to take to fix the relationship? It's great, it truly is, to identify the problems so that you know what needs to be fixed, but it doesn't matter if each partner isn't willing to change to fix these issues.
That's often the toughest problem that a troubled couple will face.
They blame and feel guilt and think they want to fix things, but are they really willing to change themselves to fix the relationship.
Again, a marriage counselor can help point out what needs to be changed, but the spouses must be willing to take the steps to initiate lasting, effective change.
Will you be honest with yourself, with your partner, and put in the time necessary to fix the issues even if you're willing to change? Marriage counseling is not as simple as snapping a finger and restoring a marriage to its romantic, loving heights.
There's no magic wand or magic potion to drink.
It takes help, time and effort to repair a damaged marriage.
Even when you identify problems and truly are willing to change to fix them, it takes time for these changes to take effect and for the damage to be repaired.
You have to be willing to hang in there, as you do in any marriage, and consciously work to fix the damaged relationship.
It's taken time for the marriage to fall apart and get to this point.
It's going to take time to fix it as well.
Allow for and plan on spending a good deal of time to fix something as important as your marriage.
Are you willing to adapt and do you have a plan to fall back on? One remedy for a problem as deep and difficult as a broken marriage likely spells disaster.
You have to be flexible and be willing to change, especially if your initial plans aren't working.
Flexibility is key to any relationship but it is vital in a damaged relationship, because as you fix issues, other issues will naturally arise.
There is no one road that leads to a perfect marriage.
Even when you get past counseling you will need to be willing to adapt to the issues that arise and the needs of your partner.