Are You a Control Freak? Check Out The 6 Consequences it Can Have on Your Child
Sometimes parents just have trouble letting go. The idea of the kids making a mess in the living room or watching a child make a mistake is just too much to bear. So, they step and try to take over and in the process, become a bit of a control freak.
While it’s not healthy to be a pushover parent, there are also problems with being a control freak. If you’re guilty of taking over too much control, consider these consequences that it can have on your child:
1. Your Child May Rebel
Children need a certain level of freedom. If you try to control every aspect of their lives, they’ll begin rebelling even at an early age. A child whose parent has to pick out her clothing every day, even when she’s in junior high, will hide the clothes she actually wants to wear in her backpack. A child who isn’t given the chance to make decisions about how to spend his time, will refuse to follow a rigid schedule.
While children and teens need some level of guidance, if you try to take over everything they do, they’ll stop listening to you. Instead, they’ll dismiss your opinions and do whatever they can to gain a little bit of freedom.
2. There Won’t be Natural Consequences
If you’re always trying to control everything your child does, he’ll miss out on an opportunity to learn from natural consequences. If it’s cold out and you make your 14-year-old put on a jacket, he won’t learn what happens when he doesn’t wear one. If you always step to prevent an argument between children, they won’t learn how to resolve issues on their own.
Allow your children to face natural consequences when it’s safe to do so. But, that means you’ll have to tolerate watching them make mistakes or do things that you wouldn’t do. Giving up control can be difficult, but it’s important for kids.
3. Creativity Will be Discouraged
People who often want everything to be under control send the message, “There’s only one right way to do this, and that’s my way.” Even though there are many ways to solve a single problem, if you’re a control freak, you’ll discourage any type of creativity.
Remind yourself that your child may have a different way to solve a problem, and it may not necessarily be wrong. Almost every problem has multiple solutions. Be willing to allow your child to explore, learn, and make repeated attempts to solve a problem before you jump in and tell him “how to do it right.”
4. Kids Pick Up on Anxiety
Most people behave like control freaks because they’d feel anxious when things were out of control. They think, “If I don’t keep everything under control, something bad will happen.” Kids are perceptive, however, and they’ll pick up on your anxiety quickly, even if it’s never spoken of out loud.
Sometimes anxiety can be contagious. Nervous parents have nervous kids. So it’s important to learn how to let go of some of your need for control. Instead of constantly thinking of all the bad things that could happen, work on giving your child the freedom to be a kid.
5. Kids Fear Mistakes
If you’re constantly monitoring your child’s every move, he’s likely going to fear making a mistake. And unfortunately, mistakes can be a great teaching tool and they can help kids learn how to deal with failure. But if you’re reluctant to give up enough control that your child will be able to make a mistake, he’ll likely think that mistakes are bad and he may try to cover up any mistakes that he does make.
Teach your child that mistakes are okay. Also, talk about the importance of accepting responsibility for his behavior and show him that everyone makes mistakes sometimes.
6. Mental Health Problems may Increase
Finally, children who have controlling parents can be at a higher risk for certain mental health problems. Depression and anxiety can result when parents demand obedience and children don’t have the freedom to express themselves.
If you find yourself trying to control everything, ask yourself what’s more important – the mess that is going to be left by your child playing with glue, or his overall mental health? Letting go sometimes and allowing your child the freedom to play can be good not just for him, but also for you.