Social Anxiety And Phobia - A Remnant Of Traumagenic Family Dynamics
A very talented Engineer sought help with a challenging problem that was interfering with his professional life almost daily in the last few months.
She had worked for the same firm for seven years and been quite successful in small work projects and because of the talent and skills that she possessed she had been promoted to manage not only an office of this large company but also a division of the company at large.
This is when her problems really began to kick in, she had to travel a great deal, mostly regionally, and address groups of other professionals, contractors and those that sought services through her organization is medium to large gatherings (12-50 attendees).
In such new circumstances it would be reasonable that most people would occasionally feel nervous, however she was becoming devastatingly anxious and self-conscious.
She began to avoid situations as much as possible and when she could not avoid them she reported feeling the following: - Blushing and becoming very red in the face, and neck - Profuse sweating, so that her clothing would be visibly damp like she had been rained on.
- Trembling or shaking - Nauseated or actually vomit - Stomach upset and tremendous stomach acid - Difficulty talking without stuttering, chocking and breathing irregularly - Shaky voice, and trouble with pitch and pacing - Muscle tension that was so severe her body would physically ache as if having done vigorous exercise, and sometimes the grip of her own fists would cause her nails to cut into her palms - Cold, clammy hands - Difficulty making eye contact with those that she was talking with, supervising or promoting services to.
She was experiencing what is commonly called social anxiety or social phobia, which on the surface is an intense and persistent fear of being scrutinized, judged and found wanting by others or of doing something embarrassing that could bring ones competency into question by others.
Being incredibly bright and quite analytical it was a difficult situation for this young woman to struggle with because she realized that her anxiety or fears were unreasonable as well as harmful to her, yet the more she tackled them in her mind the stronger and more rooted they seemed to become.
This talented young professional woman's repeated experiences went something like this:
Some writers even point back to childhood and express that "shy" children mature into adults with social anxiety.
However the reality is sometimes if not significantly more complex than those reductionistic answers.
Not just this particularly talented young woman, but many that suffer from debilitating anxiety and social phobia grew up in environments where the family dynamics interrupted or interfered with normal psychological, emotional, and social developmental.
These family dynamics are collectively called traumagenic family dynamics and lay at the root of this challenging disorder.
Imagine yourself as a child that is raised in an environment where security, safety, stability nurturance, empathy and acceptance are sometimes available, but that they are not predictable or consistently present.
Where the family dynamic could be characterized as being detached, cool or unpredictable where those that "should" love and support you frequently manifest instability or unreliability.
A common outgrowth of this traumagenic family dynamic is a pervasive feeling that one is defective, bad, inferior, or invalid in important respects.
Sometimes children learn to be hypersensitive to criticism, rejection, be inordinately self-consciousness making continuous comparisons between some unobtainable ideal and themselves, of course always discovering how far they are from this imagined ideal.
Traumagenic family dynamics can set the stage and lay the groundwork for a child to adopt and carry a belief that they are in significant ways flawed and will inevitably fail, or is fundamentally inadequate relative to one's peers, in areas of achievement.
Often involves beliefs that one is stupid, inept, untalented, and ignorant which can lead to many of the following symptoms: - Intense fear of being in situations in which you don't know people, or feel that they are smarter, more educated, or successful.
- Fear of situations in which you may be judged, evaluated, made fun of or in any way be criticized.
- Constant and pervasive worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself - Fear that others will notice that you look anxious, or are unattractive, or possibly recognize your ill at ease - Anxiety that disrupts your daily routine, work, school or other activities through either absorbing thinking in possible disastrous scenarios or general confusion about how to accomplish tasks with a minimal amount of social contact.
- Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment - Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention - Extreme difficult in promoting yourself or your abilities even when extraordinarily talented The price of social anxiety and social phobia is great and weighty in the lives of those that suffer it.
Many of these richly talented and intelligent people struggle with omnipresent feelings of worthlessness or low self-esteem, and struggle to be assertive in most relationships, both work and personal.
Many times the sufferer has a gargoyle like inner critic, screaming negative messages and vile accusations that are sometimes weakly referred to as negative self-talk as well as a tremendous fear and hypersensitivity to criticism.
So what can be done? The first challenge is to treatment is a realization that many people because of the nature of their developmental histories, and traumagenic family dynamics have created a life that is designed to avoid situations the provoke the most intense social anxiety reactions, and that many suffering this disorder will not seek treatment until their ability to adapt and manage life becomes overwhelmed due to changes in demands in work or personal relationships.
Many times physicians will initially prescribe a variety of medications, which may ease the symptoms but not necessarily give permanent or needed relief.
Therapy or counseling that seems to yield the most beneficial results with social anxiety disorder include: - Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy which helps the client identify injunctions (rules) that generate fears and act as corrosive agents on the identity or self esteem of the individual.
CBT also helps give predictability to an individual to identify patterns and triggers that provoke the anxiety.
- Attunement, relationship enhancement and social skills training.
This therapy helps you develop the skills you need in social situations through rehearsing and role-playing.
Your anxiety is reduced as you become more comfortable with and prepared for the feared social situations.
- Cognitive restructuring.
This therapy give the sufferer the tools to manage their own thinking more effectively and with greater intentional precision rather than reactive formations of fear and worry.
She had worked for the same firm for seven years and been quite successful in small work projects and because of the talent and skills that she possessed she had been promoted to manage not only an office of this large company but also a division of the company at large.
This is when her problems really began to kick in, she had to travel a great deal, mostly regionally, and address groups of other professionals, contractors and those that sought services through her organization is medium to large gatherings (12-50 attendees).
In such new circumstances it would be reasonable that most people would occasionally feel nervous, however she was becoming devastatingly anxious and self-conscious.
She began to avoid situations as much as possible and when she could not avoid them she reported feeling the following: - Blushing and becoming very red in the face, and neck - Profuse sweating, so that her clothing would be visibly damp like she had been rained on.
- Trembling or shaking - Nauseated or actually vomit - Stomach upset and tremendous stomach acid - Difficulty talking without stuttering, chocking and breathing irregularly - Shaky voice, and trouble with pitch and pacing - Muscle tension that was so severe her body would physically ache as if having done vigorous exercise, and sometimes the grip of her own fists would cause her nails to cut into her palms - Cold, clammy hands - Difficulty making eye contact with those that she was talking with, supervising or promoting services to.
She was experiencing what is commonly called social anxiety or social phobia, which on the surface is an intense and persistent fear of being scrutinized, judged and found wanting by others or of doing something embarrassing that could bring ones competency into question by others.
Being incredibly bright and quite analytical it was a difficult situation for this young woman to struggle with because she realized that her anxiety or fears were unreasonable as well as harmful to her, yet the more she tackled them in her mind the stronger and more rooted they seemed to become.
This talented young professional woman's repeated experiences went something like this:
- Anxiety before the encounter, where she would fret and imagine all of the possible scenarios that could happen that might be disastrous, go badly wrong or reflect on her or her company in a bad way.
With each new scenario she imagined there were multiple and painful possibilities attached that created more and more emotional distress.
With three to four days before most large meetings she could create enough emotional and physical distress to be physically ill, feel overwhelmed and extremely distressed. - Intense discomfort during it presentations, where she found it difficult to focus on topic or to not get lost when delivering information and organizing the delivery and answering questions from those in attendance.
- Worry afterward about how she was being judged and imagine criticism regarding her performance and the hateful and unflattering things that those in attendance "must be saying" about her and her skills or abilities.
Some writers even point back to childhood and express that "shy" children mature into adults with social anxiety.
However the reality is sometimes if not significantly more complex than those reductionistic answers.
Not just this particularly talented young woman, but many that suffer from debilitating anxiety and social phobia grew up in environments where the family dynamics interrupted or interfered with normal psychological, emotional, and social developmental.
These family dynamics are collectively called traumagenic family dynamics and lay at the root of this challenging disorder.
Imagine yourself as a child that is raised in an environment where security, safety, stability nurturance, empathy and acceptance are sometimes available, but that they are not predictable or consistently present.
Where the family dynamic could be characterized as being detached, cool or unpredictable where those that "should" love and support you frequently manifest instability or unreliability.
A common outgrowth of this traumagenic family dynamic is a pervasive feeling that one is defective, bad, inferior, or invalid in important respects.
Sometimes children learn to be hypersensitive to criticism, rejection, be inordinately self-consciousness making continuous comparisons between some unobtainable ideal and themselves, of course always discovering how far they are from this imagined ideal.
Traumagenic family dynamics can set the stage and lay the groundwork for a child to adopt and carry a belief that they are in significant ways flawed and will inevitably fail, or is fundamentally inadequate relative to one's peers, in areas of achievement.
Often involves beliefs that one is stupid, inept, untalented, and ignorant which can lead to many of the following symptoms: - Intense fear of being in situations in which you don't know people, or feel that they are smarter, more educated, or successful.
- Fear of situations in which you may be judged, evaluated, made fun of or in any way be criticized.
- Constant and pervasive worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself - Fear that others will notice that you look anxious, or are unattractive, or possibly recognize your ill at ease - Anxiety that disrupts your daily routine, work, school or other activities through either absorbing thinking in possible disastrous scenarios or general confusion about how to accomplish tasks with a minimal amount of social contact.
- Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment - Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention - Extreme difficult in promoting yourself or your abilities even when extraordinarily talented The price of social anxiety and social phobia is great and weighty in the lives of those that suffer it.
Many of these richly talented and intelligent people struggle with omnipresent feelings of worthlessness or low self-esteem, and struggle to be assertive in most relationships, both work and personal.
Many times the sufferer has a gargoyle like inner critic, screaming negative messages and vile accusations that are sometimes weakly referred to as negative self-talk as well as a tremendous fear and hypersensitivity to criticism.
So what can be done? The first challenge is to treatment is a realization that many people because of the nature of their developmental histories, and traumagenic family dynamics have created a life that is designed to avoid situations the provoke the most intense social anxiety reactions, and that many suffering this disorder will not seek treatment until their ability to adapt and manage life becomes overwhelmed due to changes in demands in work or personal relationships.
Many times physicians will initially prescribe a variety of medications, which may ease the symptoms but not necessarily give permanent or needed relief.
Therapy or counseling that seems to yield the most beneficial results with social anxiety disorder include: - Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy which helps the client identify injunctions (rules) that generate fears and act as corrosive agents on the identity or self esteem of the individual.
CBT also helps give predictability to an individual to identify patterns and triggers that provoke the anxiety.
- Attunement, relationship enhancement and social skills training.
This therapy helps you develop the skills you need in social situations through rehearsing and role-playing.
Your anxiety is reduced as you become more comfortable with and prepared for the feared social situations.
- Cognitive restructuring.
This therapy give the sufferer the tools to manage their own thinking more effectively and with greater intentional precision rather than reactive formations of fear and worry.