Making Friends As an Adult: Why Is It So Hard?
This is a little known fact to many, but making new friends once you're out of school or College can be very hard.
Why is it so? Why can't we make connections and develop them into friendships as easily when we are adults as when we were children? It shouldn't be that hard, right? Well, the truth is there are actually many reasons of weight for this tragic stigma.
When we are kids, making friends comes naturally.
We have common grounds, interests, and the perfect excuses to get to know each other without it feeling forced or out of place.
However, when we grow into adults, the setting drastically changes.
We get jobs, we get married, we have children, and we fall into a routine that limits our exposition to other people on common grounds, which makes it very difficult to make friends or, more specifically, developing the relationships we acquire.
There is a certain awkwardness that develops towards meeting other people as we age.
It's not the same meeting and getting to know someone you see every day in class, someone you get used to seeing around and maybe even occasionally work with, to doing so with a stranger you just met in a store or maybe someone who drew your attention at the mall.
Starting a conversation with strangers is daunting because we are used to relate to people we meet on common grounds, like school or College, and it can be frightfully hard to spark an interesting conversation with someone you don't know, in a setting that's not familiar.
In school, or class or College, we already have things to talk about, things that both people can relate to.
The same isn't often true for adults.
And even less so for adults who move away from their hometowns, wanting to start anew on a different city, or a more extreme scenario, a different country.
Add to that a shy or introverted personality, and it feels close to impossible.
So, how do people in those situations break out from the prison of their circumstances, and start making friends again? How do we recover that social confidence, that presence, and start making connections that can eventually develop into meaningful relationships once more? Remember, as adults, we often lack that constant exposition to other people, that common ground which makes it so easy to spark a conversation or to help break the ice.
Throughout my studies and research on the matter I've managed to come up with a couple of answers to this widespread dilemma.
There are several variables that come into play when we make the decision to meet new people or make new friends as adults; things that ease the process and help us break the ice.
To effectively meet new people and make new friends as an adult, we should look for the following:
They're pretty much the same we experienced while growing up in school.
We basically need to re-create that same atmosphere that made it so easy and natural back then.
Luckily, there are plenty of ways to do that, though be warned: they do require a bit of bravery, consistency and perseverance.
We could join a club, for example, or sign up for community service.
We could also try joining a class or course, or take seminars that requires members to be physically present.
In all of these examples, we are willingly entering a common setting with other people that are likely to share our interests.
We are exposed, through the course of time, to relatable situations and the most powerful variable, consistent exposition to the same people - which helps cement the bonds we create without the forced awkwardness that would be present otherwise.
Work can also be a powerful scenario to meet new people, but it strongly depends on the kind of work it is and the setting where it takes place.
A graphic designer or backroom associate at a grocery store has little to no exposition to other people, whereas a register clerk or office receptionist deal with them every day.
Church can also be a good place to meet people that possess the same values as you, though in many occasions, it takes more time to develop those relationships due to the nature of the activities taking place.
Another lesser-known method could be looking for social forums and same-interest groups online, preferably those with weekly or monthly meeting schedules.
These can also prove helpful in the search for new acquaintances; however, due to the nature of the internet, these options should be approached with due caution and some good research before taking any action.
These are of course, and by no means, the only venues available to us young adults to meet new people and make new friends.
There are many other options, many of which depend on particular personalities, places or lifestyles.
But as a rule of thumb, these are the ones that have been proved to work the most - the ones that set the foundation for many others.
It isn't easy getting out into the world once more and making new friends once we've left College or school, but it is completely possible.
All it takes is confidence, a bit of work, and a lot of perseverance.
Stay positive, be confident, and best of luck!
Why is it so? Why can't we make connections and develop them into friendships as easily when we are adults as when we were children? It shouldn't be that hard, right? Well, the truth is there are actually many reasons of weight for this tragic stigma.
When we are kids, making friends comes naturally.
We have common grounds, interests, and the perfect excuses to get to know each other without it feeling forced or out of place.
However, when we grow into adults, the setting drastically changes.
We get jobs, we get married, we have children, and we fall into a routine that limits our exposition to other people on common grounds, which makes it very difficult to make friends or, more specifically, developing the relationships we acquire.
There is a certain awkwardness that develops towards meeting other people as we age.
It's not the same meeting and getting to know someone you see every day in class, someone you get used to seeing around and maybe even occasionally work with, to doing so with a stranger you just met in a store or maybe someone who drew your attention at the mall.
Starting a conversation with strangers is daunting because we are used to relate to people we meet on common grounds, like school or College, and it can be frightfully hard to spark an interesting conversation with someone you don't know, in a setting that's not familiar.
In school, or class or College, we already have things to talk about, things that both people can relate to.
The same isn't often true for adults.
And even less so for adults who move away from their hometowns, wanting to start anew on a different city, or a more extreme scenario, a different country.
Add to that a shy or introverted personality, and it feels close to impossible.
So, how do people in those situations break out from the prison of their circumstances, and start making friends again? How do we recover that social confidence, that presence, and start making connections that can eventually develop into meaningful relationships once more? Remember, as adults, we often lack that constant exposition to other people, that common ground which makes it so easy to spark a conversation or to help break the ice.
Throughout my studies and research on the matter I've managed to come up with a couple of answers to this widespread dilemma.
There are several variables that come into play when we make the decision to meet new people or make new friends as adults; things that ease the process and help us break the ice.
To effectively meet new people and make new friends as an adult, we should look for the following:
- A common setting
- Relatable situations
- Similar interests
- Consistent Exposition
They're pretty much the same we experienced while growing up in school.
We basically need to re-create that same atmosphere that made it so easy and natural back then.
Luckily, there are plenty of ways to do that, though be warned: they do require a bit of bravery, consistency and perseverance.
We could join a club, for example, or sign up for community service.
We could also try joining a class or course, or take seminars that requires members to be physically present.
In all of these examples, we are willingly entering a common setting with other people that are likely to share our interests.
We are exposed, through the course of time, to relatable situations and the most powerful variable, consistent exposition to the same people - which helps cement the bonds we create without the forced awkwardness that would be present otherwise.
Work can also be a powerful scenario to meet new people, but it strongly depends on the kind of work it is and the setting where it takes place.
A graphic designer or backroom associate at a grocery store has little to no exposition to other people, whereas a register clerk or office receptionist deal with them every day.
Church can also be a good place to meet people that possess the same values as you, though in many occasions, it takes more time to develop those relationships due to the nature of the activities taking place.
Another lesser-known method could be looking for social forums and same-interest groups online, preferably those with weekly or monthly meeting schedules.
These can also prove helpful in the search for new acquaintances; however, due to the nature of the internet, these options should be approached with due caution and some good research before taking any action.
These are of course, and by no means, the only venues available to us young adults to meet new people and make new friends.
There are many other options, many of which depend on particular personalities, places or lifestyles.
But as a rule of thumb, these are the ones that have been proved to work the most - the ones that set the foundation for many others.
It isn't easy getting out into the world once more and making new friends once we've left College or school, but it is completely possible.
All it takes is confidence, a bit of work, and a lot of perseverance.
Stay positive, be confident, and best of luck!