Eating Disorders: How to Help Your Anorexic Daughter Eat With Other People
Sit down with your daughter and write out five to eight steps that would progressively increase her anxiety about eating with people.
Start with the least anxiety provoking situation.
Here is an example: 1) You might have to start with her just imagining someone outside the family coming over to the house to eat.
Only she will be able to tell you where to start.
Explain the process or show her this article so she can see what you are doing and what the plan is.
She will need to spend time imagining this until her anxiety is at a 2 or 3 before moving to the next step (see step 2) 2) Have someone over to the house she knows and the three of you sit down and have a small snack.
Choose a food she can handle eating.
During the snack have her rate her anxiety level from 1 (no anxiety) to 10 (over the top anxiety).
Stay in the situation until she reports her anxiety is down to a 2 or 3.
Repeat this multiple days (not necessarily consecutive) until she can sit with this person and eat with her anxiety at 2 or less.
Then you are ready to move on to the next task.
Then bring a new person over to the house and go through the process again.
Always wait until her anxiety is down to 2 or 3 before ending the exercise.
3) Have 2 or 3 people over to the house and repeat the above scenario.
Or just add one more person at a time if it's too anxiety provoking to add more.
4) You might have to start with her just imagining going to a restaurant with an extra person.
Just like she did with Step 1.
5) Go out to a restaurant with her and meet one extra person there.
Again, choose a food she can handle eating.
We want this to be about eating in front of the person, not about a particular food.
Repeat the process described in Step 2.
6) Go out to a restaurant with her and meet 2 or 3 extra people there.
Or just add one person at a time if it's too anxiety provoking to add more.
The goal is to increase anxiety slowly enough that she can cope and not so quickly she runs backward.
7) Try meeting next at a different venue.
Have a picnic or barbeque at a park and invite multiple people.
Don't overwhelm her, get her input but add people besides family.
You could try meeting at someone else's home, again with the focus being on the people not the food items.
Have them serve something she is comfortable eating.
8) Have the last step be an ultimate goal.
An example might be she wants to be able to go out to dinner with her boyfriend and his family.
Or she wants to be able to sit with friends during lunch at school.
Whatever the goal is, tailor the steps to work toward that goal.
This will give her confidence and success and she will see she can work through anxious feelings and situations.
It is important you involve your child in coming up with these above tasks.
She needs to be able to tell you what she thinks her anxiety level would be and what she will be able to handle.
You may even have to put more steps in between the ones above to move more slowly if it is too anxiety provoking.
Work together and tweak it as you go if necessary.
Start with the least anxiety provoking situation.
Here is an example: 1) You might have to start with her just imagining someone outside the family coming over to the house to eat.
Only she will be able to tell you where to start.
Explain the process or show her this article so she can see what you are doing and what the plan is.
She will need to spend time imagining this until her anxiety is at a 2 or 3 before moving to the next step (see step 2) 2) Have someone over to the house she knows and the three of you sit down and have a small snack.
Choose a food she can handle eating.
During the snack have her rate her anxiety level from 1 (no anxiety) to 10 (over the top anxiety).
Stay in the situation until she reports her anxiety is down to a 2 or 3.
Repeat this multiple days (not necessarily consecutive) until she can sit with this person and eat with her anxiety at 2 or less.
Then you are ready to move on to the next task.
Then bring a new person over to the house and go through the process again.
Always wait until her anxiety is down to 2 or 3 before ending the exercise.
3) Have 2 or 3 people over to the house and repeat the above scenario.
Or just add one more person at a time if it's too anxiety provoking to add more.
4) You might have to start with her just imagining going to a restaurant with an extra person.
Just like she did with Step 1.
5) Go out to a restaurant with her and meet one extra person there.
Again, choose a food she can handle eating.
We want this to be about eating in front of the person, not about a particular food.
Repeat the process described in Step 2.
6) Go out to a restaurant with her and meet 2 or 3 extra people there.
Or just add one person at a time if it's too anxiety provoking to add more.
The goal is to increase anxiety slowly enough that she can cope and not so quickly she runs backward.
7) Try meeting next at a different venue.
Have a picnic or barbeque at a park and invite multiple people.
Don't overwhelm her, get her input but add people besides family.
You could try meeting at someone else's home, again with the focus being on the people not the food items.
Have them serve something she is comfortable eating.
8) Have the last step be an ultimate goal.
An example might be she wants to be able to go out to dinner with her boyfriend and his family.
Or she wants to be able to sit with friends during lunch at school.
Whatever the goal is, tailor the steps to work toward that goal.
This will give her confidence and success and she will see she can work through anxious feelings and situations.
It is important you involve your child in coming up with these above tasks.
She needs to be able to tell you what she thinks her anxiety level would be and what she will be able to handle.
You may even have to put more steps in between the ones above to move more slowly if it is too anxiety provoking.
Work together and tweak it as you go if necessary.