Step Children Deserve the Effort
Lots of today's families are what are now termed 'blended' families.
A mix of parents and half and step brothers and sisters that can easily turn into a nightmare of high running emotions, problems and issues that can carry on into a child's future and jeopardise your relationship with your partner.
Just remember, if you choose to get involved with someone who already has children that these children do not disappear or take a back seat just because you are now on the scene.
It does not matter what the circumstances of a relationship breakdown or how acrimonious that split is, the children should always come first in both their parents' lives and if you want a genuine relationship with them they should come first in yours as well.
You do not have the right to dictate how much these children get to see of their live away from home parent.
I'm not saying it is easy to learn to love, or even like your partners children from another relationship, especially if there are ongoing problems with the ex that spill over into the children's behaviour and interfere with your new relationship.
But if you do not genuinely try, then this will be obvious to the children and you will fall at the first hurdle.
Try and remember that children are the innocent victims of a relationship breakdown and they need all the support and love they can get.
You may need to take their apparent dislike or mistrust of you in your stride - but there are some things you can do that will make the situation easier in the long run.
Try and make allowances for the fact that children do not have the same degree of control over their emotions as adults do, and goodness knows, we all know that adults struggle with emotions and behaving properly when it comes to relationships.
Give the children space and time to be with their live away from home parent.
Try not to be jealous of any time that your partner spends alone with his/her children.
You will reap the benefits eventually.
You do not need to try and make your partners children like you.
In fact this is just as likely to backfire if the children see that you are trying to ingratiate yourself.
Just be kind and understanding and treat them like you would want your own children to be treated in the same circumstances.
Do not allow comparisons of how your partner treats his/her children compared to your own or joint children.
It is inevitable that this will happen because the relationship between the different sets of children is different.
Believe me when I say that I know this is not easy - but it is the one area that is the biggest barrier in cultivating a good relationship between you and your step children - and indeed the one that causes most problems in relationships between partners.
Creating a loving and accepting environment for step children within your new relationship will by its very nature be fraught with difficulties along the way, but if you get it right the rewards can outweigh the effort.
A mix of parents and half and step brothers and sisters that can easily turn into a nightmare of high running emotions, problems and issues that can carry on into a child's future and jeopardise your relationship with your partner.
Just remember, if you choose to get involved with someone who already has children that these children do not disappear or take a back seat just because you are now on the scene.
It does not matter what the circumstances of a relationship breakdown or how acrimonious that split is, the children should always come first in both their parents' lives and if you want a genuine relationship with them they should come first in yours as well.
You do not have the right to dictate how much these children get to see of their live away from home parent.
I'm not saying it is easy to learn to love, or even like your partners children from another relationship, especially if there are ongoing problems with the ex that spill over into the children's behaviour and interfere with your new relationship.
But if you do not genuinely try, then this will be obvious to the children and you will fall at the first hurdle.
Try and remember that children are the innocent victims of a relationship breakdown and they need all the support and love they can get.
You may need to take their apparent dislike or mistrust of you in your stride - but there are some things you can do that will make the situation easier in the long run.
Try and make allowances for the fact that children do not have the same degree of control over their emotions as adults do, and goodness knows, we all know that adults struggle with emotions and behaving properly when it comes to relationships.
Give the children space and time to be with their live away from home parent.
Try not to be jealous of any time that your partner spends alone with his/her children.
You will reap the benefits eventually.
You do not need to try and make your partners children like you.
In fact this is just as likely to backfire if the children see that you are trying to ingratiate yourself.
Just be kind and understanding and treat them like you would want your own children to be treated in the same circumstances.
Do not allow comparisons of how your partner treats his/her children compared to your own or joint children.
It is inevitable that this will happen because the relationship between the different sets of children is different.
Believe me when I say that I know this is not easy - but it is the one area that is the biggest barrier in cultivating a good relationship between you and your step children - and indeed the one that causes most problems in relationships between partners.
Creating a loving and accepting environment for step children within your new relationship will by its very nature be fraught with difficulties along the way, but if you get it right the rewards can outweigh the effort.