The Perfect Mother
A mother needs to be able to have everything under control at all times.
She should be able to keep a house clean, have respectful and well-behaved children.
She should eat only healthy foods and look good in a bikini with no stretch-marks or veins visible.
She should be happy, energetic, healthy and available to her kids 24/7.
Mothers should give their kids quality time, have them eat mostly quality food, if not all of the time.
She should be able to afford whatever the kids need.
She is definitely not allowed to make any mistakes or be seen by others to be less than perfect.
She cannot give any hints that life is getting her down and she should be able to maintain a mask of perfection and calmness in public at all times.
Mothers should never smack their kids or raise their voice to their kids and only speak to them with respect, love and affection.
She is allowed to take some time out, but only if she can do this without intruding on quality time with her kids and her husband.
Her time-out is only allowed when the kids and husband are happy and their needs are met, and of course, when the housework is done.
And finally, a mother should be able to know everything, predict any mishaps before they occur and anticipate the temperament of her children so she can leave a venue before their behaviour might be seen as disruptive and annoying.
What do you think? Do you fit this image of the perfect mother? Why not? Isn't this what the perfect mother should be doing? I bet when you read this opening paragraph you either laughed at it or felt insulted by these words.
Why? Because it's unrealistic.
It cannot be done all of the time, in fact probably not any of the time.
But isn't this what mothers are often expecting of themselves in order to be deemed as a good mother? Why do we set such high expectations of ourselves only to fail and then feel miserable about ourselves and label ourselves as a 'bad mother'? The answer? Self worth! We live in a society that tells us that we must 'Get our life right'.
The right way to be a mum.
The right way to be a wife.
The right way to be a citizen.
The right way to dress, behave, look.
The right weight, height and bust size to be.
Look around and everywhere you look you will see something or someone telling us the right way to be.
It's little wonder that people in general are starting to have stress, depression or anxiety.
Because we are taught to believe that if we can't get our lives right, then we are worth-less.
But what about the times when our lives are perceived by us to be going 'right'? How do we feel when our child is behaving and someone else's isn't, or if we have breastfeeding down pat, or we got back to our pre-pregnancy weight, or we had a good day where you managed to stay on top of everything.
How do we feel then? Of course, you are full of self worth.
Life is going to plan so I am fine and my world is great, therefore I am worthy.
So hang on, that must mean that I can only be of worth when my life is going the way I want it to go and life is running smoothly.
Is that right? But that doesn't sound very realistic does it.
Because reality tells us that life doesn't always go to plan and you can't always control the events in your life.
Sometimes stuff happens and life throws us curveballs that we would rather not experience.
So if this is the reality of life, then why do you suddenly become unworthy whenever your life is not going to plan or you experience an undesirable situation? The answer to that is that you have been conditioned to believe that you are only worthy when something that you are meant to be achieving is achieved.
You learn this mostly from childhood, whether it be from parents, siblings, peers, grandparents, it doesn't matter, but somewhere along the line you have started to believe that your self worth is attached to the goals that you have, and only when those goals are achieved can you possibly be worthy to yourself and others and there in lies the real cause of stress, depression and anxiety...
I am only worthy when I am achieving my goals.
On top of this, society further supports this belief on goals and your worthiness, through advertising, media etc keeping you stuck in this destructive mindset.
So in relation to motherhood, if you have all of the above expectations on yourself you find that you cannot achieve them all and it's causing you stress, then it is because you have attached your worthiness to meeting these expectations.
But the reality is you could not possibly meet these expectations every time.
Life happens and you are no more or less worthy regardless of whatever experiences you encounter and regardless of whether you are meeting your goals or not.
Motherhood is a time for learning, growth, stepping out of your role as the young minded girl and into a new role of mother and woman.
When you have a child you change mentally, physically, emotionally, morally and ethically.
Every part of your being changes and that's why the first 5 years of becoming a mother can be so consuming and take some conscious mental readjustments.
That's why stress, depression and anxiety are so common in motherhood.
Sometimes we just need to learn how we can adjust to this new woman you have become and see how the old you fits into this new you.
Self Help for mums introduces The Happy Mum Handbook where you can discover how to adopt a mindset that will help you avoid motherhood stress, feel confident in your role and most importantly, be able to teach you kids how to love themselves and grow up confident to handle life's ups and downs.
Imagine being able to pass this valuable information onto your children?
She should be able to keep a house clean, have respectful and well-behaved children.
She should eat only healthy foods and look good in a bikini with no stretch-marks or veins visible.
She should be happy, energetic, healthy and available to her kids 24/7.
Mothers should give their kids quality time, have them eat mostly quality food, if not all of the time.
She should be able to afford whatever the kids need.
She is definitely not allowed to make any mistakes or be seen by others to be less than perfect.
She cannot give any hints that life is getting her down and she should be able to maintain a mask of perfection and calmness in public at all times.
Mothers should never smack their kids or raise their voice to their kids and only speak to them with respect, love and affection.
She is allowed to take some time out, but only if she can do this without intruding on quality time with her kids and her husband.
Her time-out is only allowed when the kids and husband are happy and their needs are met, and of course, when the housework is done.
And finally, a mother should be able to know everything, predict any mishaps before they occur and anticipate the temperament of her children so she can leave a venue before their behaviour might be seen as disruptive and annoying.
What do you think? Do you fit this image of the perfect mother? Why not? Isn't this what the perfect mother should be doing? I bet when you read this opening paragraph you either laughed at it or felt insulted by these words.
Why? Because it's unrealistic.
It cannot be done all of the time, in fact probably not any of the time.
But isn't this what mothers are often expecting of themselves in order to be deemed as a good mother? Why do we set such high expectations of ourselves only to fail and then feel miserable about ourselves and label ourselves as a 'bad mother'? The answer? Self worth! We live in a society that tells us that we must 'Get our life right'.
The right way to be a mum.
The right way to be a wife.
The right way to be a citizen.
The right way to dress, behave, look.
The right weight, height and bust size to be.
Look around and everywhere you look you will see something or someone telling us the right way to be.
It's little wonder that people in general are starting to have stress, depression or anxiety.
Because we are taught to believe that if we can't get our lives right, then we are worth-less.
But what about the times when our lives are perceived by us to be going 'right'? How do we feel when our child is behaving and someone else's isn't, or if we have breastfeeding down pat, or we got back to our pre-pregnancy weight, or we had a good day where you managed to stay on top of everything.
How do we feel then? Of course, you are full of self worth.
Life is going to plan so I am fine and my world is great, therefore I am worthy.
So hang on, that must mean that I can only be of worth when my life is going the way I want it to go and life is running smoothly.
Is that right? But that doesn't sound very realistic does it.
Because reality tells us that life doesn't always go to plan and you can't always control the events in your life.
Sometimes stuff happens and life throws us curveballs that we would rather not experience.
So if this is the reality of life, then why do you suddenly become unworthy whenever your life is not going to plan or you experience an undesirable situation? The answer to that is that you have been conditioned to believe that you are only worthy when something that you are meant to be achieving is achieved.
You learn this mostly from childhood, whether it be from parents, siblings, peers, grandparents, it doesn't matter, but somewhere along the line you have started to believe that your self worth is attached to the goals that you have, and only when those goals are achieved can you possibly be worthy to yourself and others and there in lies the real cause of stress, depression and anxiety...
I am only worthy when I am achieving my goals.
On top of this, society further supports this belief on goals and your worthiness, through advertising, media etc keeping you stuck in this destructive mindset.
So in relation to motherhood, if you have all of the above expectations on yourself you find that you cannot achieve them all and it's causing you stress, then it is because you have attached your worthiness to meeting these expectations.
But the reality is you could not possibly meet these expectations every time.
Life happens and you are no more or less worthy regardless of whatever experiences you encounter and regardless of whether you are meeting your goals or not.
Motherhood is a time for learning, growth, stepping out of your role as the young minded girl and into a new role of mother and woman.
When you have a child you change mentally, physically, emotionally, morally and ethically.
Every part of your being changes and that's why the first 5 years of becoming a mother can be so consuming and take some conscious mental readjustments.
That's why stress, depression and anxiety are so common in motherhood.
Sometimes we just need to learn how we can adjust to this new woman you have become and see how the old you fits into this new you.
Self Help for mums introduces The Happy Mum Handbook where you can discover how to adopt a mindset that will help you avoid motherhood stress, feel confident in your role and most importantly, be able to teach you kids how to love themselves and grow up confident to handle life's ups and downs.
Imagine being able to pass this valuable information onto your children?