Drooping Or Dancing? How To HandleDisappointment To Create Personal Growth
When disappointment occurs in your life, it can really create a huge, negative impact on your energy and outlook. But what if you had a way of using it to help you grow instead of groan?
How would it be if you knew of a way of turning disappointment into growth, rather than let it drag you down? Without getting into psycho-analysis, or endless discussions that just go round and round?
THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES . . . are a big clue to what your inner belief about an event is. In fact, they clue you in to what your inner beliefs about YOU are. To get a flavour of this, really pay attention to the next person who tells you a 'disaster' story about them. Whether it's about being late: being hurt in love: being ignored in a queue - just listen. Sometimes you will even hear the words, "Typical. It always happens to me". My top tips for getting to the bottom of your own stories to find the nugget of a belief may help you work with your own 'mythology'. That can help to recreate more meaningful beliefs about 'what happened" and keep you going forward rather than living with the feeling that I take on step forward and two back.
Here are three things you can practice now that will help you to adjust the lens of your view of disappointment when it comes along next!
1. Listen to someone else's stories. Don't judge them at all but ask yourself, "What belief would they need to have about themselves to believe this is the absolute truth?" (For instance, someone who feels they are always ignored may have a core belief that they are unlovable).
2. Listen to your own stories. See if you can spot whether, in your story, you are the victim, the hero, the saviour, the wicked one . .or a combination. Find your characters. Then ask yourself, what do I get from acting in this role? What do I get from being in this role and is there another way I could get it without acting from this persona.g. acting as a hero, and giving help in order to get help, rather than just asking for what you need.
3. In the face of disappointment, watch carefully that you do NOT make yourself WRONG in the story. Instead, ask yourself what other responses to the event would take you further towards your goal (for instance, if you are rejected in love, ask yourself what meaning you make of that - e.g. "I'll never find anyone"). Now ask yourself, "Is this really, really the truth". Look around you for evidence that people do find love. It's always happening, in the most unlikely ways - it's important to pay attention to what you want, not what you don't want!
It's important though, to acknowledge what you need when disappointment hits. Nurture yourself: make sure you eat well, rest, and reach out to friends or other competent organisations to support you. It's important to acknowledge your feelings too. Whether you are feeling hurt, resentful, angry or grief-stricken, allow yourself to feel - but also watch that the feelings do not get to dominate your landscape when the intensity has worn off. It's a good idea to do something different, when you are ready, to signal to your self that you are moving forward. It could be something like changing your hairstyle: taking on a challenge that would bring you fun or stimulation (such as trying a new dance, a new class, or making a new friend). Stretch yourself gently while you convert the disappointment into new growth.
How would it be if you knew of a way of turning disappointment into growth, rather than let it drag you down? Without getting into psycho-analysis, or endless discussions that just go round and round?
THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES . . . are a big clue to what your inner belief about an event is. In fact, they clue you in to what your inner beliefs about YOU are. To get a flavour of this, really pay attention to the next person who tells you a 'disaster' story about them. Whether it's about being late: being hurt in love: being ignored in a queue - just listen. Sometimes you will even hear the words, "Typical. It always happens to me". My top tips for getting to the bottom of your own stories to find the nugget of a belief may help you work with your own 'mythology'. That can help to recreate more meaningful beliefs about 'what happened" and keep you going forward rather than living with the feeling that I take on step forward and two back.
Here are three things you can practice now that will help you to adjust the lens of your view of disappointment when it comes along next!
1. Listen to someone else's stories. Don't judge them at all but ask yourself, "What belief would they need to have about themselves to believe this is the absolute truth?" (For instance, someone who feels they are always ignored may have a core belief that they are unlovable).
2. Listen to your own stories. See if you can spot whether, in your story, you are the victim, the hero, the saviour, the wicked one . .or a combination. Find your characters. Then ask yourself, what do I get from acting in this role? What do I get from being in this role and is there another way I could get it without acting from this persona.g. acting as a hero, and giving help in order to get help, rather than just asking for what you need.
3. In the face of disappointment, watch carefully that you do NOT make yourself WRONG in the story. Instead, ask yourself what other responses to the event would take you further towards your goal (for instance, if you are rejected in love, ask yourself what meaning you make of that - e.g. "I'll never find anyone"). Now ask yourself, "Is this really, really the truth". Look around you for evidence that people do find love. It's always happening, in the most unlikely ways - it's important to pay attention to what you want, not what you don't want!
It's important though, to acknowledge what you need when disappointment hits. Nurture yourself: make sure you eat well, rest, and reach out to friends or other competent organisations to support you. It's important to acknowledge your feelings too. Whether you are feeling hurt, resentful, angry or grief-stricken, allow yourself to feel - but also watch that the feelings do not get to dominate your landscape when the intensity has worn off. It's a good idea to do something different, when you are ready, to signal to your self that you are moving forward. It could be something like changing your hairstyle: taking on a challenge that would bring you fun or stimulation (such as trying a new dance, a new class, or making a new friend). Stretch yourself gently while you convert the disappointment into new growth.