How to Address a Sympathy Card to a Wife of the Deceased
- 1). According to the Emily Post Institute, the traditional form of address consists of the first and last name of the widow's husband. For example, the widow of "Ryan Thomas" should be addressed as "Mrs. Ryan Thomas."
- 2). If the couple hyphenated their last name, such as "Thomas-Smith," honor this decision and address her as "Mrs. Ryan Thomas-Smith."
- 3). If you are well acquainted with the widow and know for a fact that her preference is to use her own first name instead of her husband's, it is acceptable to do so, e.g. "Mrs. Karen Thomas" (or "Mrs. Karen Thomas-Smith" in the case of hyphenation).
- 4). If the widow did not change her name at all after marriage, do not force a name change simply to observe tradition. Respect her decision to keep her maiden name and address her as "Mrs. Karen Smith."
- 5). When speaking to the widow face-to-face, consider how well you know her. If you are on a first-name basis, it is fine to call her by her first name. According to psychiatrists Glenn Brynes and Carol Watkins, people grieve "individually and as a group." Reminders of close connections to living loved ones are part of the mourning process. If you are already close to the widow, remain that way, but still approach her in an understated and respectful fashion.
- 6). If you are not close and are not aware of the widow's preference, use her husband's last name when speaking to her directly: "Mrs. Thomas." Observe the tradition rather than trying to second-guess her disposition.