See Also: Latest Late-Night Jokes

"Sanders had 27,500 in the sport arena in Los Angeles In August, 11,000 in Phoenix, 28,000 in Portland on a Sunday. A guy in his 70s filling stadiums? Who does he think he is, a Rolling Stone?" –Stephen Colbert

"Bernie Sanders has now passed Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire polls. It's the first time anyone's ever been passed by a guy in a Prius." –Seth Meyers

"A new poll shows that Hillary Clinton is only six points ahead of Bernie Sanders.


Today a very confident Hillary said, 'Oh, please. Like I'm going to lose the Democratic nomination to a left-wing senator nobody's ever heard of?'" –Conan O"Brien

"Bernie Sanders drew over 20,000 people to his campaign event in Portland this weekend. Sounds impressive, but remember, it's Portland. You can draw a crowd of 20,000 people with a Frisbee." –Seth Meyers
 

"Hillary Clinton has joined Instagram. Meanwhile, her Democratic opponent Bernie Sanders joined telegram." –Seth Meyers

"There are reports that Hillary Clinton's campaign is saving money by encouraging staffers to take discounted buses between New York and Washington. Not to be outdone, Bernie Sanders is actually Fed-Exing himself to every speech." –Jimmy Fallon

"Mike Huckabee said he's the only person who has fought the Clinton political machine and won. As opposed to Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders, who's the only person who fought a fax machine and lost." –Jimmy Fallon

"Liberal Democrat Bernie Sanders had a rally in Los Angeles last night attended by over 27,000 supporters.

The rally set the world record for most Priuses in one parking lot." –Conan O"Brien
 

"This week presidential candidate Bernie Sanders introduced a new bill that would make four-year college tuition free. Which was great news, unless you were the student who was just walking out of your graduation." –Jimmy Fallon

"Bernie Sanders made around $2,000 last year for two speeches and a TV appearance, compared to the $25 million the Clintons made.

"Bernie Sanders' presidential campaign announced that it raised over $1.5 million in the 24 hours after he announced his bid. Meanwhile, a 12-year-old on Kickstarter just raised $7 million in five minutes after announcing his idea for juice box water guns." –Jimmy Fallon

"Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is expected to announce tomorrow that he is running for president, making him Hillary Clinton's only Democratic challenger so far. Or as Hillary put it, 'Oooo, appetizers!'" –Jimmy Fallon

More 2016 Election Jokes

"We are now 11 weeks away from the first Republican presidential debate. The debate will be held in a 300-seat theater, so there'll be almost enough seats for all the candidates." –Seth Meyers

"Hillary Clinton has temporarily changed her campaign logo to rainbow colors in support of marriage equality. Of course, her idea of marriage equality is both of you should get to be president." –Seth Meyers

"Lindsey Graham is now the seventh Republican running for president. If you're keeping score, that's basically one Republican candidate for every two Republican voters." –Conan O'Brien

"Former New York Governor George Pataki may enter the race for president. It's not definite, but he tweeted that he'll announce his 2016 plans on May 28 in New Hampshire. Well, what's he gonna do, go to New Hampshire to say he's NOT running? That's like getting down on one knee and saying, 'I think it's time to see other people.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a mistake.' And then later in the day, by accident, he called Hillary and congratulated her. " –David Letterman

"Senate Democrats blocked President Obama's trade bill yesterday because they're worried it could hurt jobs. It's not an issue for Republicans, since they've all found work as presidential candidates." –Jimmy Fallon

"The U.S. unemployment rate is the lowest it's been in nearly seven years. The job sector that has seen the most growth is in the field of Republican presidential candidates." –Conan O'Brien

"A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote." –Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton has temporarily changed her campaign logo to rainbow colors in support of marriage equality. Of course, her idea of marriage equality is both of you should get to be president." –Seth Meyers

"Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that." –David Letterman

"Marco Rubio's presidential campaign has raised $40 million in the last week. When he heard that, Rubio said, 'Hey, any chance I can drop out of the race and just keep the 40 million?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"According to a new poll, 57 percent of the people believe Hillary Clinton will be the next president. Now 43 percent of the people in that poll believe Hillary Clinton is already president. –David Letterman