It is very common and acceptable to be having after-thoughts after a breakup and it is also common to have certain fears, after all, this relationship was a big part of your life. Maybe you have a fear of bumping into them on the street or in the local store, fear of trying to explain yourself in some way, fear of what people think or what they are saying about you, and even fear of what to do to try and win back your love again, if indeed this is the road you choose to go down. As a general rule, try to get things clear in your mind before you do anything further. Sometimes, when you have a clear picture it can help you move forward more positively, and stop you facing fear on every corner you turn.

If you are in this position of a breakup and have a thousand things running through your mind, it can be very frustrating and confusing. You want to win your ex back, but are scared to make a move in case it is the wrong one. First of all, allow a little time to pass to get things clear (for the both of you) and let the upset pass. Operating under duress and anger is no way forward, and you will only assist the situation between you both getting worse. Let things settle down and become clear and use this time to assess what has gone wrong.

So, before we go on, ask yourself some questions and let's establish the seriousness of the situation. Why have you really broken up? Was it something relatively small that has triggered a silly argument? Was it many small issues that have built up over time eventually reaching a boiling point? Was it something serious, i.e. has one of you cheated on the other or being lying etc? Was it because of money? Of course, getting your ex back will be a lot more difficult depending on the situation, but not necessarily impossible. The more serious it is, the more work will be required in order for you to make progress.

If it has been something relatively minor it can be fixed quite easily and with a little time. Sometimes an adjustment in behaviour and showing a little more respect can iron out most of the problems. Remember, relationships work two ways, effort is always needed on both parts for a loving relationship to last, and without this it will be doomed to fail. If on the other hand the problems between you have been more severe, then there will be a lot of work to undertake. Sometimes it would be wise to seek outside advice and assistance such as a councillor (not always) who would be qualified to get to the depths of your problems and guide you both in a positive manner.

To get you started speaking with your ex, here are a few hints and tips for you to read and maybe put into practice.

1. Be aware of how to communicate with your ex partner. Men and women are different; they always have been and always will be. Accept that we do not see everything in the same way, and you will be on a better footing. Have patience with your ex when the time comes to speak, and show them understanding and tolerance. Be prepared to listen as much as you are to have your say.

2. When the time comes and you have a chance to meet and get things off your chest, try not to be overpowering. The reason for this liaison is for you both to try and make friends and peace, and at the same time get to the root of the problems. You will not achieve this by always being right and insisting your ex is wrong. This will lead to an argument and will close the door on your relationship. Try to be calm and again, listen to what your ex has to say and find reason in their words. Relationships are about give and take, compromise, and you will need to develop this ability.

3. Try to have your meetings in a neutral place. This way you will find things are kept more civil and the chance of getting loud and boisterous is limited. Try not to hold your talks at each others places as this can have an advantage for one of you over the other. When one of you is in a comfort zone, it can be easy to take the upper hand and force unwanted pressure on the other.

Deciding to win back your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is the easiest part out of the way. What you must do now is work on yourself to make them see you are the one for them. The words come later, with your meetings, but you need to make sure you can get to this stage first. Start slowly and work your way up, and prove to them you are the one with your actions, and not with words you think they want to hear.

Winning back your ex is all about the way you conduct and present yourself. It is not about playing games and behaving like a kid in school. If you are thinking about making your ex jealous to get attention, forget it. If you are planning on hounding them on every street corner, forget it. Your ex wants to see you doing things for yourself, and proving to yourself you are a good person. It is not about chasing each other; it is about being mature for each other.

It is vital though, once you have got to the stage of these meetings, that you do not make the situation uncomfortable. These chances to get together could actually be fun if you know what you are doing. Try not to make them intense and worrying. Try to make your ex smile with a small joke or a story from the past. Make sure you look the part and pay a compliment to your ex (and mean it). Making the liaison a little light spirited and introducing a little fun will enhance your chances of meeting again.

So, make sure you get yourself in the right frame of mind initially, and do this as fast as possible. This is sound advice to get your ex back, as your ex does not want to be with someone down and out and suffering with depression. To be in the company of your ex, you will need to make an impression, so its confidence and being decent all the way here. When the chance to presents itself to meet, remember, neutral ground and be prepared to listen and show regard for your ex and their opinions. You will not win back your ex by being overpowering and displaying a cutting attitude. Learn how to behave and you will have a far better chance to get your ex back now.