Over the years my patients have taught me about life and the pain that they felt.
I also found a correlation between the therapy I was taught (Cognitive Therapy) and the Taoist Philosophies that date back more than 2,500 years.
Nurses in particular tend to internalize difficulties, which leaves them more susceptible to depression and self deprecation.
On the positive side their ability to change is greatly improved with introspection.
I think it goes with a personality that devotes itself to helping others in distress.
Not only is "everything their fault," in their eyes, but they try to please doctors, patients, administrators and family members.
A lot to deal with.
You will find some of these sayings to be more significant than others, although the ones you resonate with are not the ones you need to work on.
Show this list to your friends and see which ones they choose as their favorites.
You may gain some insight into their personality.
I hope these sayings will bring you some comfort.
PERSPECTIVE What disturbs us are not the things that happen to us, but rather the view we take of them.
Emotional pain is in the way we perceive ourselves, our surroundings and others.
If we believe we are weak and frail, we will act as if we are weak and frail, eventually we will become weak and frail.
If we believe we are worthless, we will act as if we are worthless, and accomplish little.
There are those who were raised in refugee camps.
Their parents are miserable and angry, yet their children are playful and happy.
Their parents think about what they lost and their children think about what they have, not knowing what was lost.
How does happiness and misery come from the same circumstances? For those in prison, time seems to drag on endlessly, but for those on death row time flies by quickly.
Those who were kings many hundreds of years ago have less than those who now are poor.
Shouldn't that make the king even poorer? Extremes in thoughts and behaviors are a magnifying glass to illustrate more subtle behaviors.
Be aware of the thoughts that others express to you and watch how it affects their emotions.
Then be aware of your own thoughts and how they affect your emotions and behaviors.
When I was young I learned about Plato.
My instructor asked, "How do we know that we all see this table the same way?" It did not make sense to me until many years later when I realized that Plato did not write about tables, he wrote about love, knowledge, and truth which are belief systems.
BALANCE If we become too hard we become punitive and push people away-- too hard is brittle.
If we are too soft we become codependent and others will not respect us--too soft is ineffectual.
Balance is assertiveness and it changes with each interaction.
This is a very difficult task for most people.
Yin and Yang are means to illustrate balance.
Black and white define gray and those who see the world as black and white are very angry people, they live in the extremes of beliefs and emotions.
To serve others based on their needs brings dignity and respect.
To serve others based on their wants and desires diminishes dignity and respect for both of you.
CHANGE When we hold fast to beliefs, our thinking becomes rigid and we are most likely using old information to solve new problems.
When we stop listening to others and we think that there is only one answer we should carefully examine that belief system.
Contentment requires that we be like a child who sees each new challenge with a fresh perspective.
A character flaw does not change without being tested repeatedly; only when we stand firm in the face of temptation does true change take place.
Prisons are full of changed men that return again and again because when tested they failed.
View difficulty as a test and do not shelter yourself.
Those who lack flexibility lack creativity.
When we expect the world to change to meet our ideal concept of it and it does not, we are helpless because the world is larger than we are.
Therefore, adapt to the world as it is, then do your problem solving.
Given enough time and persistence you may find that the world might just shift a little.
No one stumbles over a mountain, but they do over an ant hill.
Greatness is achieved by clearing ant hills not mountains.
When we stand rigid in our views, it may not be our views we are rigid about, but our conditioning.
If we could change our dysfunctional belief systems as a culture, there would be no need for laws to prevent stealing because we would lack the desire to steal.
CRITICISM When we focus on the shortcomings of others and forget about their strengths we will soon find no one worthy.
What is worse we may deprive them of the opportunity to grow.
The world mirrors our traits and beliefs, when we criticize others it may not be them that we criticize.
A thief thinks everybody steals, an alcoholic thinks everybody drinks and a gambler thinks everybody gambles.
FOCUS Clarity does not mean seeing others, but seeing ourselves.
Acuity does not mean hearing others, but hearing ourselves.
Understanding does not mean knowing others, but knowing ourselves.
Wisdom comes from searching our thoughts and feelings toward others to reflect ourselves.
When two men are drowning they cannot save each other.
One must first obtain secure footing.
Before you can benefit others, you must yourself be stable.
HAPPINESS Contentment is the appreciation of what we have and sadness is focusing on what we do not have.
Anxiety is worrying about what we cannot change and anger is dwelling on those who took it from us.
If you live in the future you tempt anxiety and if you live in the past you tempt sadness.
Stay in the present and welcome change which is inherent in life.
Frustration ensues when we think we can control events or keep them from happening.
Love is unconditional, it requires no return.
When you expect a return, you are trading favors, which is not love.
It is said that misery loves company, but don't forget that happiness also loves company.
MASTERY Mastery is developed through doing, slavery is developed through acquiring.
A master needs few tools and a collector is rarely a master.
From great difficulty comes great mastery, if your life is easy you may be cheating yourself without realizing it.
HARDSHIP Some say, how can a benevolent God tolerate pain and hardship? But with pain and hardship comes empathy, so how can a benevolent God not tolerate pain and hardship? Is karma paying for past sins, or learning not to make them again? Life kicks you in the head until you learn.
If you ask God for wisdom, don't be disappointed if he takes all of your possessions and turns you into an outcast, you will be alone, because for not many possess it.
CONTROL Control is an illusion that prevents you from developing problem solving skills.
A wise man does not control the actions of others, he leads by example.
A wise man allows others to discover truth for themselves and allow others to take credit for your wisdom.
This requires that your ego be suspended.
Worry can be broken down into two components: First are the things that cannot be changed, it does not make sense to worry about them because we cannot change them.
Second are the things that can be changed and it does not make sense to worry about them because we can work to change them.
Then what is left to worry about? If a two year old gets everything he wants, do you think he would live to be three? If you place a four inch wide beam on the ground, you can quite easily walk its length.
If you suspend it one hundred feet in the air, it becomes difficult to walk and you may fall.
The mind is a very powerful thing, it influences your behavior.
Virtue is what you give not what you get.
NATURE Is mans basic nature good or evil? If you run into a burning building, what is it you carry out with you, people who were trapped or their personal belongings? A hero is merely one who is presented with a burning building and responds by saving people.
Most people have opinions, but true commitment to principle is only distinguished when the lion is at your doorstep.
If you seek something for nothing, you are swimming with sharks.
You may get bit and end up with nothing for something.
Hardship builds character.
Disaster tests character.
Teaching someone to do the right thing is very different from teaching them what the right thing is.