What Causes Anxiety? Is it Something As Simple As the School Run?
I have General Anxiety Disorder, I have had for some years.
Many things set me off and the school run is just one in a long list but as it is something I do most days it began to impact on me a big way.
I'm not sure when it started but I grew to hate the school run, not the morning one, that's just straight in and out.
It's the afternoon one when all those gaggles of gossiping women are hanging around.
It made my heart race, my head ache and I just wanted to run away.
So what is it about this situation that made me so anxious? My eldest started school 4 years ago.
The mums were all so cliquey and if you arrived at the wrong time you were left standing there with no one to talk to.
The clique all seemed to arrive together and everyone converged around them.
Kind of like High School really.
I became quite introvert and made no attempt to talk to people.
The clique moved on, started working, the kids got older etc, my son started school and the new mums seemed much nicer but I had got into the habit of not talking to people.
Then I began to worry that people were talking about me.
I built it all up in my mind to the point that as the time approached to leave work for the school run I was started to feel nervous, I was aware of my heart beating, my hands were starting to sweat and my head would be hurting.
By the time I got to school my heart was racing I was over come with anxiety.
I became convinced everyone could see that there was something wrong with me and they would be talking about me.
And so the cycle continued and the anxiety grew.
It was at CBT that I brought up my hatred of the school run.
My therapist asked what was so special about me that people were talking about me.
She asked why I didn't approach any of these mums if I wanted to talk.
I began to realise that some days I didn't want to talk, my mind was full of work and I found it hard to change from business professional to school run mum.
I also began to see that lots of mums stood aside from the gaggle.
My anxiety over the school run began to subside.
These women were so caught up in their own lives that they weren't looking at me.
And so what if I wasn't being sociable, we all feel like that sometimes, I just happen to feel like that most days at 3.
30.
As time has gone on I have struck up conversations with some people and I would even venture to say I am making a couple of friends.
Some days I still stand to the side, I'm just not in the mood but the people that matter seem to accept this and those that don't, well who cares.
School run is not my favourite time, there will always be cliques, it is busy and noisy and my kids are not at their best but the anxiety over this time has gone.
Perhaps it is time for me to form my own clique?
Many things set me off and the school run is just one in a long list but as it is something I do most days it began to impact on me a big way.
I'm not sure when it started but I grew to hate the school run, not the morning one, that's just straight in and out.
It's the afternoon one when all those gaggles of gossiping women are hanging around.
It made my heart race, my head ache and I just wanted to run away.
So what is it about this situation that made me so anxious? My eldest started school 4 years ago.
The mums were all so cliquey and if you arrived at the wrong time you were left standing there with no one to talk to.
The clique all seemed to arrive together and everyone converged around them.
Kind of like High School really.
I became quite introvert and made no attempt to talk to people.
The clique moved on, started working, the kids got older etc, my son started school and the new mums seemed much nicer but I had got into the habit of not talking to people.
Then I began to worry that people were talking about me.
I built it all up in my mind to the point that as the time approached to leave work for the school run I was started to feel nervous, I was aware of my heart beating, my hands were starting to sweat and my head would be hurting.
By the time I got to school my heart was racing I was over come with anxiety.
I became convinced everyone could see that there was something wrong with me and they would be talking about me.
And so the cycle continued and the anxiety grew.
It was at CBT that I brought up my hatred of the school run.
My therapist asked what was so special about me that people were talking about me.
She asked why I didn't approach any of these mums if I wanted to talk.
I began to realise that some days I didn't want to talk, my mind was full of work and I found it hard to change from business professional to school run mum.
I also began to see that lots of mums stood aside from the gaggle.
My anxiety over the school run began to subside.
These women were so caught up in their own lives that they weren't looking at me.
And so what if I wasn't being sociable, we all feel like that sometimes, I just happen to feel like that most days at 3.
30.
As time has gone on I have struck up conversations with some people and I would even venture to say I am making a couple of friends.
Some days I still stand to the side, I'm just not in the mood but the people that matter seem to accept this and those that don't, well who cares.
School run is not my favourite time, there will always be cliques, it is busy and noisy and my kids are not at their best but the anxiety over this time has gone.
Perhaps it is time for me to form my own clique?