There is a new addiction that is sweeping the western world these days, and that addiction is to romance.
Of course, women are wired for romance, and from our childhood on, we are encouraged to indulge in romantic fantasie.
But the truth is that too much romance can be just as painful, destructive, and time-wasting as alcohol or internet porn.
The proof is in the statistics these days.
I'm seeing a dramatic increase in the last few years in the numbers of people seeking my counseling services because they are having difficulty sustaining long-term relationships.
In addition, many perfectly good relationships are ending, when they could have been saved.
The following might be a few of the reasons why.
1.
From the day we are born we are exposed to marketing, advertising, books, novels, and movies that create a mindset in us that the goal of life is to find true love.
By nature, new love is usually intensely romantic, but always wears off.
Instead of moving to a new kind of love, we start the whole process over by beginning the search for another "true love.
" 2.
The quest for that true love becomes an exciting, highly addictive hunt that increases the potential for addictive behavior.
3.
Falling in love alters brain chemistry, produces many of the same "feel good" chemicals as any addiction, but unlike drug use or pornography, it is socially acceptable.
4.
The process of falling in love encloses us in a "bubble" that shuts out the world, and thus allows a brief reprieve from the problems of everyday life.
The only problem is that once the bubble bursts we realize that our problems only escalated because we weren't paying attention.
5.
Social networking, cell phones, and email make it easier to engage in high-risk illicit relationships.
Risk is associated with addictive behavior.
6.
It is easier to end a relationship than do the work of resolving the problems, but every relationship has problems.
7.
With a 50 percent divorce rate, there is a lack of healthy role models for long-term commitment these days.
We tend to repeat the pattern modeled for us by our parents.
8.
We confuse sexual attraction with true love, because we place too much value on the sexual experience in the process of building relationship.
Once sex is consummated and the "thrill" wears off, we assume we no longer have a healthy relationship.
9.
We are a society that places little value on the skill of learning how to be alone, developing our spirituality, or finding the extraordinary joy of an ordinary day.
We seek romance to avoid boredom and loneliness, and to allow us to avoid thinking about getting old, and death--all natural parts of life.
10.
Many women are deeply wounded because of early promiscuity, which results in shame, confusion, and low value of self.
They search for a man who will restore their belief in themselves, make them feel beautiful once again, and help them forget the things that have happened to them.
These are just a few of the many reasons the quest for romance is becoming an American obsession.
But obsessions make us stupid.
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