I entered into marriage the first time with the wrong goals.
I wanted to be a good husband.
I wanted to do what was right and please my wife and have a good marriage.
A good marriage is the wrong goal.
The key to a good marriage is to not try to have a good marriage.
It is to seek to have an incredible marriage, to love with a lavish kind of love.
I am going into a second marriage with a different goal.
It is to love the way God loved us.
The Bible says, "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" 1 John 3:1 (NIV Emphasis added).
And, in another place, "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
" Ephes.
1:7-8 (NIV Emphasis added).
One more: "But I lavish my love upon thousands of those who love me and obey my commandments.
Exodus 20:6 (Living Emphasis added).
The key to a good marriage is to not try to have a good marriage.
It is to seek to have an incredible marriage, to love with a lavish kind of love.
There are no good marriages.
Marriages are either great or bad.
We are either loving in a lavish kind of way, or we are not loving enough.
If we love in a lavish kind of way, the marriage is getting better and better and it is moving past great to incredible to places you never imagined possible.
Or, it is cycling down into boredom or worse.
If marriages are bad, they can be really bad.
If you have not been there, you have no idea how bad a bad marriage can be.
The pain of rejection.
The fear of loss.
The insecurity of not knowing how long this will last.
The ache of distance.
The loneliness of isolation.
OK, let me spell it out for the guys: and very little sex! I want to love the way God loves.
God loves in a lavish, excessive kind of way.
That is why he accepted the love of the woman who broke the alabaster jar and poured the perfume all over Jesus' feet.
It seemed lavish and excessive to everyone there.
It seemed silly.
It even felt wrong to love in a lavish way like that.
But, to Jesus, it didn't feel wrong at all.
In fact, it didn't even feel unusual.
It felt normal.
It felt like the kind of expressions of love that go on among the Father, Son and Holy Spirit all of the time.
We have to assume that they are constantly lavishing love on one another and Jesus was, for this reason, used to receiving this kind of lavish expression of love.
It felt normal to him.
Jesus taught us to give in a lavish kind of way.
And he promised that as we do, we will be given back in a lavish kind of way.
"Give, and it will be given to you.
A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.
For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
" Luke 6:38 (NIV) We sell things by weight in this generation.
That is why they put that warning on cereal boxes and bags of chips that says, "Some settling may have occurred.
" What that means is, "If you open the box and it looks like it is less than half full, not to worry.
Rest assured that it was measured by weight and you have received your full allotment.
You got what you paid for.
When it left the plant, the box was full.
Some settling may have occurred.
That is why it looks half empty.
" In Jesus' day, they sold things by volume, not weight.
When they sold a bushel of grain, they would fill the container up and that was that.
Jesus is teaching us that God does not love like that.
He doesn't love just enough.
He presses down, shakes the basket to get as much as possible, and then lets the excess fall in the long flowing robes of the lap.
Then, he pours another cup full till if forms a cone on the top of the basket.
Then he pats that down.
Some more falls into the lap.
You catch that.
He shakes some more.
You get the idea.
That is how God loves.
Well, I am thinking, is there ever a stopping point? I mean, God can do that because he is God, but I have limited resources.
I think if I love someone like that, or try to love someone like that, I will get tired, I can't do it.
I can't be in a relationship that just wants more, more, more.
I have to stop at some time.
Enough is enough.
There is a stopping point.
When the basket is full, you can stop.
It just has to be full.
How do you know when it is full? When the excess starts falling into your lap.
We all want to be loved, and we all want to be loved excessively, lavishly, but, enough is enough.
Let me make this very practical for you.

• You don't have to buy flowers every day.
  You just have to buy flowers until she says, "You know this is enough flower-buying.
  I have enough.
  "
• You don't have to buy cards every day.
  You just have to buy cards until you sense from her that it is enough.
  
• You don't have to make love every day.
  Unless he wants to.
  You just have to make love until he (or she, but usually he) says it is enough.
  

10 Ways to Lavish Love on a Woman

1. One long-stem rose.
   
2. Greeting card.
   
3. E-greeting card.
   
4. Open the car door.
   
5. Buy a book on how to have a better marriage.
   
6. Leave little notes around the house.
   
7. Just call to say "hi.
   "
8. Talk about her day.
   Ask how it made her feel.
   
9. Plan.
   Women like that.
   Plan the date night.
   Set up the baby-sitter.
   
10. Small little gifts.
    

Here are four more:

1. Take out the trash without being asked.
   
2. Small little touches/ hugs.
   
3. Text message: "My thoughts drift often to you!"
4. Say: "I love you.
   "

2 ways to lavish love on a man

1. Sex
2. Repeat step #1.
   

I am sure there are actually more, but it is too rare to find a man who says, "I have all the sex I want," that I thought I would emphasize the point.
More on that later.
The only way you know it is enough is when it starts spilling out on the floor.
That is, it is enough, when they tell you it is enough.
Until then, keep pouring it on.
Love in a lavish kind of way.
Be excessive, not measured.
That is how God loves.
That is how he calls us to love.
"Why should I be so nice? She doesn't love me in a lavish kind of way.
Why should I?" I can think of a few reasons.

1. If you have never lived with a woman whose cup is full, you don't know what you are missing.
   
2. Someone has to go first.
   
3. It is not likely they will improve till you improve.
   Do you really want to live with things the way they are?