Conflict Resolution - Standing Firm Versus Being Flexible
"What to leave in, what to leave out" Bob Seger Against The Wind There's a marvelous scene in the movie Fiddler On The Roof in which Tevye, the father of three girls, discovers that one of his daughters is going to marry a man of whom he disapproves.
In a lengthy musical soliloquy, Tevye rails against the daughter who won't obey his wishes.
He is angry, upset and feeling betrayed.
Then he pauses, gets a perplexed look on his face and reconsiders.
"On the other hand," Tevye muses, perhaps this marriage will be a blessing.
Perhaps this is exactly the right man for his daughter.
Perhaps he is wrong.
There follows several verses in which Tevye alternates between anger and reconsideration ("on the other hand").
This scene is a wonderful demonstration of what we all face as we attempt to resolve the conflicts in our lives.
We want to live up to our ideals.
We want to stand firm for our principles.
We don't want to compromise our values.
"On the other hand"...
if we don't give up our need to be right, if we remain inflexible, if we refuse to compromise we will find ourselves in continual conflict with the people in our lives who matter to us.
What to leave in? What to leave out? This is the central dilemma of conflict resolution for each of us personally and it is the central dilemma politically as we watch the Obama administration wrestle with health care, bank regulation and the war in Afghanistan.
When to stand firm? When to compromise? When to capitulate? What to leave in? What to leave out? Frank Rich, writes about Obama as though he were Tevye in the October 20th, 2009 New York Times: "We all know Obama has values, but does he have convictions"? Rich wonders.
We all have values.
But do we have convictions? "On the other hand," our convictions can morph into obstinacy and inflexibility.
"On the other hand," one person's convictions are another's resistance to change.
The line between flexibility and inflexibility is one we will draw and redraw our entire lives.
The key is not to have an unalterable line in the sand but to continually challenge ourselves about where we have drawn the line, how straight the line should be and whether we should ever allow ourselves to cross it.
Those who never challenge themselves may find themselves less in a movie like Fiddler On The Roof and more like the movie Titanic, sure that their convictions need never be challenged, heading for disaster.
In a lengthy musical soliloquy, Tevye rails against the daughter who won't obey his wishes.
He is angry, upset and feeling betrayed.
Then he pauses, gets a perplexed look on his face and reconsiders.
"On the other hand," Tevye muses, perhaps this marriage will be a blessing.
Perhaps this is exactly the right man for his daughter.
Perhaps he is wrong.
There follows several verses in which Tevye alternates between anger and reconsideration ("on the other hand").
This scene is a wonderful demonstration of what we all face as we attempt to resolve the conflicts in our lives.
We want to live up to our ideals.
We want to stand firm for our principles.
We don't want to compromise our values.
"On the other hand"...
if we don't give up our need to be right, if we remain inflexible, if we refuse to compromise we will find ourselves in continual conflict with the people in our lives who matter to us.
What to leave in? What to leave out? This is the central dilemma of conflict resolution for each of us personally and it is the central dilemma politically as we watch the Obama administration wrestle with health care, bank regulation and the war in Afghanistan.
When to stand firm? When to compromise? When to capitulate? What to leave in? What to leave out? Frank Rich, writes about Obama as though he were Tevye in the October 20th, 2009 New York Times: "We all know Obama has values, but does he have convictions"? Rich wonders.
We all have values.
But do we have convictions? "On the other hand," our convictions can morph into obstinacy and inflexibility.
"On the other hand," one person's convictions are another's resistance to change.
The line between flexibility and inflexibility is one we will draw and redraw our entire lives.
The key is not to have an unalterable line in the sand but to continually challenge ourselves about where we have drawn the line, how straight the line should be and whether we should ever allow ourselves to cross it.
Those who never challenge themselves may find themselves less in a movie like Fiddler On The Roof and more like the movie Titanic, sure that their convictions need never be challenged, heading for disaster.