The Secret to True Love
True love is not just about being true to another. The most fulfilling love is when you are also true to yourself. You are open to discovering yourself in the presence of the other precisely because you want to be loved for who you truly are, not for who you can pretend to be.
Most of us have a sense that sharing true love makes life more meaningful. Jacob Needleman, the American writer, suggests that the key quality enabling people to sustain a long and satisfying relationship is that, together, they are involved in discovering and creating meaning in their lives. They provide support and encouragement for each other's personal growth, and what makes the relationship flourish is that they do it together.
To have passion in your relationship, you need to have passion in your life, and that usually depends on your willingness to put effort into activity that is meaningful to you. When life partners can feel love in their hearts, help each other grow as people and support each other's meaningful enterprise, they have much to be grateful for. They are actively nourishing one of life's greatest pleasures:- true love.
Are you getting the love you need? If yes, great. If not, how can you put more love into your life through deepening your friendships and family ties? If you have a partner, talk about how you can create more loving feelings together. Do not complain, but give direction instead. See if you can ask for what you want in a way that makes your partner happy to give it to you.
Practice breath control and taking your emotional inventory. All emotions can be subjectively experienced somewhere in the body. To become skilled at reading your authentic feelings, learn to identify your emotions by noticing first where your body you feel them. Then observe what thoughts or dialogues you are running in your head and the images flashing before your mind's eye. Finally, see what urges you may have express or act on your feelings- like wanting to run, cry, hug or laugh.
Practice this visualization on love. Take three cleansing breaths and get a picture in your mind's eye of someone you feel grateful toward, someone with whom you share a loving bond. Keep the person's image in your mind's eye and see if you can feel your chest open and relax and your heart grow warm. Recall specific instances when this person did you a kindness or remember special qualities of him or her that you most cherish. Do this visualization every time you feel tense, angry or depressed, or scared, and let your loving sensations calm and comfort you.
Practice intimacy as self revelation. The object of this exercise is to explore the process of self discovery in the presence of the other. The key to doing it properly is to stay in the present, as much as possible, observing your moment by moment experience. Report to your partner your awareness of the sensations in your body, the images or memories coming to mind, or the inner dialogues going on in your head. Talk about what these inner experiences do to you.
If you have a mate, ask yourself how you have held back from being completely true to yourself in this relationship. Even if you do not feel comfortable sharing your truth with your partner, at least be clear about it with yourself. Write a letter to your mate, which you may or may not give him or her, and share some of your deepest feelings that you have held back. How has your withholding kept your relationship lukewarm? Do you have the courage to tell the truth?
Inspire your mate with your love and practice bringing out the best in him or her. Share with your mate what you love most about him or her. Be clear about your gratitude, your understanding, your empathy for their travails, and your pride in their accomplishments.
Most of us have a sense that sharing true love makes life more meaningful. Jacob Needleman, the American writer, suggests that the key quality enabling people to sustain a long and satisfying relationship is that, together, they are involved in discovering and creating meaning in their lives. They provide support and encouragement for each other's personal growth, and what makes the relationship flourish is that they do it together.
To have passion in your relationship, you need to have passion in your life, and that usually depends on your willingness to put effort into activity that is meaningful to you. When life partners can feel love in their hearts, help each other grow as people and support each other's meaningful enterprise, they have much to be grateful for. They are actively nourishing one of life's greatest pleasures:- true love.
Are you getting the love you need? If yes, great. If not, how can you put more love into your life through deepening your friendships and family ties? If you have a partner, talk about how you can create more loving feelings together. Do not complain, but give direction instead. See if you can ask for what you want in a way that makes your partner happy to give it to you.
Practice breath control and taking your emotional inventory. All emotions can be subjectively experienced somewhere in the body. To become skilled at reading your authentic feelings, learn to identify your emotions by noticing first where your body you feel them. Then observe what thoughts or dialogues you are running in your head and the images flashing before your mind's eye. Finally, see what urges you may have express or act on your feelings- like wanting to run, cry, hug or laugh.
Practice this visualization on love. Take three cleansing breaths and get a picture in your mind's eye of someone you feel grateful toward, someone with whom you share a loving bond. Keep the person's image in your mind's eye and see if you can feel your chest open and relax and your heart grow warm. Recall specific instances when this person did you a kindness or remember special qualities of him or her that you most cherish. Do this visualization every time you feel tense, angry or depressed, or scared, and let your loving sensations calm and comfort you.
Practice intimacy as self revelation. The object of this exercise is to explore the process of self discovery in the presence of the other. The key to doing it properly is to stay in the present, as much as possible, observing your moment by moment experience. Report to your partner your awareness of the sensations in your body, the images or memories coming to mind, or the inner dialogues going on in your head. Talk about what these inner experiences do to you.
If you have a mate, ask yourself how you have held back from being completely true to yourself in this relationship. Even if you do not feel comfortable sharing your truth with your partner, at least be clear about it with yourself. Write a letter to your mate, which you may or may not give him or her, and share some of your deepest feelings that you have held back. How has your withholding kept your relationship lukewarm? Do you have the courage to tell the truth?
Inspire your mate with your love and practice bringing out the best in him or her. Share with your mate what you love most about him or her. Be clear about your gratitude, your understanding, your empathy for their travails, and your pride in their accomplishments.